Do you know how to recognize the lack of emotional intelligence in a relationship? 

All relationships have ups and downs, and if the couple is willing to do the work to make their relationship a healthy one, then that’s great. If you have a relationship like this, I am happy for you since, in today’s world, it is very hard to find a trustworthy and serious person.

In today’s article, I am going to talk a bit about what emotional intelligence means and how it affects a connection if one of the partners doesn’t “own” it. For example, a massive sign that a person is emotionally intelligent is when you are discussing something that bothered you and they are genuinely listening to you without being immediately defensive regarding the topic.

In other words, those who want to keep conversations respectful and are always looking for a middle ground. Now, without further ado, let’s see what the phrases are that show a lack of emotional intelligence.

You are way too sensitive

A partner who has a lack of emotional intelligence is always going to blame the other one because they are too sensitive or they’re overreacting regarding a certain situation. This happens because they can’t put themselves in someone else’s shoes.

You can never be too sensitive, whether you’re a very sensitive person or not if that’s what you need to get through whatever is happening to you at the moment. If you heard this phrase from your partner especially when you repeatedly said that something is bothering you, then maybe it’s time to discuss the issue.

While they can’t fully understand you and that’s OK too, it’s still important not to ridicule you by calling you too sensitive.

Oh, don’t start crying!

These are simple words, yet they have the opposite effect of what the person uttering them wishes—they may make someone sob even more. Until you’re ready to stop, let the tears fall. In a way, crying helps with emotion regulation.

You’re so needy

This is mostly related to everybody’s type of attachment and the way they received (or did not receive) affection during their childhood years, and definitely shouldn’t be called “needy.” Maybe it’s codependency, or they need more attention and love than others, and a person who has never experienced this won’t be able to understand this need.

However, it is a huge sign of a lack of emotional intelligence if your partner calls you needy whenever you ask for attention or affection. While you’re two different people with different needs, small gestures and reassuring them you love them won’t hurt.

You shouldn’t feel like that

This is a huge red flag in any type of relationship because we should never allow others to tell us how we should or should not feel about something. Everyone feels differently in certain circumstances, and we must express our emotions in our own way.

If your partner is constantly telling you how you should feel and they try to control you it’s clear they don’t have emotional intelligence and they are not capable of understanding how emotions work.

Others are probably in a worse situation

This is a fact. There will always be someone who has it way worse than you but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to feel bad about something you don’t like in your life. When you’re going through a difficult moment, someone may not have experienced what you are going through or they may not have empathy.

Regardless of whether you feel worse than someone else, you are entitled to your own negative emotions. Never let others dictate how you should feel; no matter how minor the situation can look from the outside.

Just drop it already!

Have you ever felt that your feelings or your concerns are frequently diminished when talking to your partner? That shows a lack of emotional intelligence. If somebody isn’t exactly interested in what you have to say, they will quickly tell you to stop it.

If this happens to you a lot, you may want to ask yourself if you really want to keep this person in your life anymore. After all, healthy relationships are based solely on mutual understanding and respect. Even if it seems hard, communication is a skill that we need to improve as our relationship develops.

I don’t care; this isn’t my problem

You may tell you’re dealing with a person who lacks empathy when you trust them and tell them about what you’re going through and they say something like, “It’s not my problem.” Someone sensitive and emotionally aware would be conscious that you’re seeking support and perhaps even guidance.

You’re imagining things

If you hear this phrase a lot, it might be a sign you are dealing with a narcissist rather than with a person who lacks emotional intelligence. This argument is one step away from a technique called gaslighting, meant to give the impression that you are insane and you’re imagining things even when you’re not.

Narcissists are very skilled at controlling other people’s emotions and play the victim in the end but they also lack emotional intelligence in some situations.

If you’d just calm down

Although this is a perfectly logical statement, saying it outright to a person who is already angry about something won’t do any good. On the contrary, as you might be overreacting, saying “If you’d just calm down” shows that you don’t understand what the other person is going through.

For a person who lacks emotional intelligence, it is easier to say something meaningless in the very moment instead of finding a long-term solution that will help both their partner and the relationship.

The way we communicate our feelings and desires to our significant other can change the course of the relationship. Instead of demanding things, try to be vulnerable, express your feelings freely, and always listen to what the other person has to say too. It’s not easy, for sure, but it’s not something that we can’t learn.

If you need a bit of extra help instead of paying a lot for a therapist, check out this comprehensive, life-changing book that will help you unlock your level of emotional intelligence. Emotional Intelligence to Love and Relationships is available one click away on Amazon for $7.34. 

I hate to say it, but I told you so

No, they don’t hate it; in fact, this phrase has a personally satisfactory meaning because this is one of the worst passive-aggressive ways of telling someone they did something wrong. Twisting the knife in someone’s wound when they’re already feeling bad about what happened shows a lack of emotional intelligence.

Don’t rain on their parade! Instead, try to be more understanding and supportive and show them you care.

It’s your fault you’re in this situation

Same as “I told you so,” this phrase is often used by somebody who lacks emotional intelligence. Even though it’s critical to take ownership of the things in our lives, situations can include several people who share responsibilities.

If someone else is following you down this path, it isn’t fair for you to bear all the responsibility. Furthermore, no one should point the finger at you, even if it is entirely your responsibility, especially if it’s about a romantic relationship.

Just stop worrying about it

One of the worst phrases that shows a lack of emotional intelligence is this one when the other person, who is definitely not in your shoes, is actively trying to convince you to stop worrying about a certain situation. But let me tell you something: if you want to worry about something, you are absolutely free to worry away.

Sure, it will help you learn how to manage stress and not waste your energy on things that don’t need your time, but nobody, no matter who they are, is supposed to tell you what is worth worrying about and what isn’t. This must be entirely your decision!

Are you unsure about your relationship? Read about One-Sided Relationships and 11 Signs that Suggest it.