Whether it’s been only a month, a year, or many years, for that matter, moving forward after the immense pain of a divorce takes a lot of time. These tips might help you cope with everything to begin rebuilding your life. There’s really no way around it. Divorce is one of the hardest things out there.
Even if the split was on the best of terms, it’s still quite a life change. In fact, it’s probably one that you most likely didn’t see coming when you sat at the altar and said “I do.” Who would have? Plenty of things can change during a divorce.
In fact, everyone’s experience is fairly different. You might be trying to find a new place to live, figuring out how to live with less money, and even trying to figure out new parenting responsibilities. You can also grapple with loneliness, grief, and the impending feeling that you can’t escape this emotional rollercoaster.
It is extremely overwhelming. However, as time goes by and with much-needed self-compassion, there’s a lot of happiness to be found on the other side. You might not be there yet, and it’s perfectly fine if not, but we made a list of things you can try to rebuild your life. It’s worth giving it a shot.
Moving forward
It can be extremely confusing to know where to go next. Should you let yourself be sad for an entire year? Should you jump back on the horse right away and start dating again? Should you treat yourself to a big vacation? There isn’t one proper answer.
All in all, it is a matter of whatever feels right for you. Rebuilding your life will look very different from another person who’s also going through a divorce. Try not to compare yourself with others and instead, focus on taking it one day at a time. Small, meaningful steps can definitely help you to heal and grow.
Allow yourself time to grieve
Even if you are the one who initiated the divorce, it’s extremely common to feel grief. You should let yourself feel all these emotions for as long as it takes. It’s highly recommended not to judge yourself along the way, and try to be patient with yourself. Practical tip: Try a few months of journaling, talking to a good friend, or even reaching out to a therapist if you experience grief.
Take time to figure out your goals
Divorce can drastically change every little thing in your life. If so, why not let it be a practical opportunity to redefine what you want for yourself in the future? Give yourself some time to think about all your personal goals, whether big or small and think about how you could start making small steps toward them. If you struggle with this, there are many 8-step programs to aid you in achieving your personal goals.
Create a stable routine for yourself
Divorce is an interesting way of turning your life upside down. In fact, it can make you feel truly out of control. Give yourself some grace and adopt a daily routine to help you get some of that control back.
This could even start out with simple things, like making your bed every morning, or journaling before you go to sleep. Start with a series of simple tasks or activities to make it easier for you to keep up with them. You can try going to bed at the same time every night, or simply plan to make a comfort dinner for yourself every night at 6 pm.
Surround yourself with a support network that’s all yours
Going through a difficult divorce could make you feel incredibly lonely. However, you can make it easier on yourself and learn how to lean on others. Life is definitely better when we are surrounded by the ones we love and support us.
If you shared many friends with your ex, now is the right time to reach out to folks you knew before your relationship. Rekindle those old friendships, or make new ones that suit your lifestyle. If you don’t really feel like seeking a support group at the moment, consider joining an online group for divorced people. You really don’t have to go through this alone.
Focus on self-care
Divorce can truly do a number on your physical and mental health. Taking care of yourself is far more important than ever. You should try to seek out activities that make you feel inherently good, or carve some time for rest, especially if you have been feeling overwhelmed.
Sometimes, bedrotting is just as recommended for the soul as a yoga class. So try to keep it simple, re-read a book you love, and take some time to walk around in your favorite park. Exercise regularly (if you feel up for it) and eat nutritious meals to feel better.
Learn something new
In most cases, divorce can ruin your confidence and numb you out. Give yourself the opportunity to feel alive again and build back some of that confidence by focusing on something new that you always wanted to do. If you’ve always dreamed of learning poetry, now is the time to do so. So go ahead and sign up for that poetry class, join the bowling club, and learn that new language!
Reevaluate your finances
Divorce can greatly affect your life in a financial way, too. Suddenly, you might find yourself looking at money in a whole new light. This can truly feel overwhelming. If this is the case for you, consider creating a budget that reflects your current situation, and it won’t stress you out so much.
Write down what you make, then calculate your expenses, and think about your long-term goals. Afterward, look for various ways where you could cut back some of your preexisting expenses if you can. If managing your finances is difficult, think about meeting with a financial advisor.
Set boundaries with your ex
After a messy divorce, we just don’t want to hear about our ex anymore. But there are cases when that is simply hard to achieve, especially if there are children involved. If that’s the case, it’s very important to set clear boundaries.
This will help reduce any kind of stress and set you up for healthier communication in the future. Decide on a time to discuss with your ex. Make a plan to figure out what are the best ways to communicate with each other in such a way that honors both your needs and feelings.
Take it slow when it comes to dating someone new
If you have the natural urge to see someone just to avoid feeling alone, do so. However, there’s no need to rush. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is simply focus on healing and rediscovering who you are on your own.
When you’re ready to date, make sure you take things slow. Try to be open and honest with yourself and your potential partners. If you’re not ready yet, don’t let anyone pressure you. You don’t have to do anything, especially to get back on the horse to find the much-needed closure.
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