Want a Healthier Relationship? Avoid These 8 Common Mistakes Women Make

Most women may see some habits as perfectly normal; men might interpret them as off-putting or even a deal-breaker. With the famous idea of men being from Mars and women from Venus, I’m here to bridge the gap. What a woman may see as appropriate or thoughtful behavior in dating can be confusing for men.

Here are some of the ways women sabotage their own relationships (men do this too; we’re all guilty sometimes). Before diving in, keep in mind to ask yourself, “How many of these have I done—or am I still doing?”

These are the most common issues:

Overanalyzing every word (for real, almost all of them)

Men usually say and do things without overthinking, but it’s a different story for many women when it comes to speaking freely. A simple text can spark hour-long discussions with girlfriends who are breaking down every little detail. (How long did he take to reply?)? Did he use a smiley face? What time of day was it? Was it a call or a text? How many texts did he send today? And on and on)

So, what it feels like to be in tune is just spiraling into confusion.

Even if it’s tough not to overthink when you’re dating (especially if you’re not sure where the guy stands), some men aren’t the best when it comes to expressing their feelings and emotions, so they leave you guessing.

However, if he didn’t reach out today and didn’t plan something far enough in advance, try not to spiral. Instead, take a breath and go with the flow. Maybe he’s busy or overwhelmed, or he’s having a rough day (or even week). Remind yourself that you don’t know the full story, and that’s okay.

Obsessing over every detail might feel like problem-solving, but it just ends up fueling the anxiety. You may end up confronting him with conclusions you’ve drawn from thin air; before you know it, he’s heading for the nearest exit.

Not having your own life

Losing yourself in the relationship is one of the most common traps. I see all the time how people dive in too fast, pouring emotions into someone they barely know. If your whole world starts revolving around him, this not only puts pressure on the relationship but also makes you less magnetic. Independence, confidence, and having your own passions are what draw people in.

Make sure your life doesn’t start revolving around someone you’ve only known for a month. Remember you’ve been doing just fine until now, thriving on your own, growing and chasing your dreams, so don’t put it on pause because someone new showed up.

You risk giving your power away by over-investing too soon, so it becomes all too easy to slip into the habit of putting yourself second. You don’t want to start ignoring your needs, forgetting to set healthy boundaries. It’s so hard to unlearn this pattern once it starts.

Keep living your life, keep your friends close, your career thriving, and your dinners and events. You don’t have to shrink your world to fit someone else’s. If a man is genuinely interested in you, he won’t be put off by your independence but will be willing to compromise and join you in the things you love.

Check out the Self-Love Workbook for Women that will get you back on track to find your own way, be yourself, and ultimately, love yourself. You can find it on Amazon. Good luck in your journey of finding yourself! 

Reeking of desperation

Nothing kills attraction faster than desperation, so when you come across as overly needy, it sends the message of being insecure, of lacking self-worth, and of owning the constant need for validation.

Confidence is magnetic, on the other hand. Knowing your value won’t have you needing to change or cling to anything and anyone. You know you naturally attract someone who sees it too. So, if he’s out with his friends, let him enjoy his time. Don’t scroll on social media to see what’s going on, don’t call, and don’t text like crazy.

Thinking negatively

This is not about voicing genuine concerns and sharing how you truly feel. It’s all about the negative assumptions and statements, making you provoke a reaction.

Affirmations such as “Why don’t you tell me you love me anymore? Or “I bet you’re going to break up with me” is the reflection of always assuming the worst.

Constantly using such phrases only created unnecessary drama, pushing him away. Try not to focus on what might go wrong, and shift to what’s going on right, and at the very least, what’s actually happening.

Moreover, ask him directly instead of fishing for information. If you want him to be honest, open, and transparent, lead by example. Clear communication should work both ways.

Trying to change him

The idea of trying to change someone rarely leads to a happy and healthy long-term relationship. Fact: people are who they are. Expecting them to become someone else only creates frustration and resentment suddenly. You either accept him for who he is or decide if that’s the person you actually want in your life.

While there’s nothing wrong with encouraging someone to be their best and offering them a fresh perspective, no man wants to feel like his “mom” is constantly telling him what to do and pointing out what he’s doing wrong.

If you found yourself in this nagging and criticizing position, you’re probably with the wrong person. And really, would you want someone to do that for you?

Expecting or giving too much too soon

Honestly, stop trying to make a one-month relationship feel like it’s something long-term. The pressure of being too emotional or clingy easily pushes people away. Relationships need time to develop, so make sure you let things unfold naturally. Don’t rush into unrealistic expectations yet. Yes, it’s exciting to be in awe about someone, but there’s no need to jump into talks about marriage and kids on the second date.

Looking for problems

If you’re always looking for problems, you’ll most likely find them—real or not. If you’re afraid of rejection, for example, you might start misinterpreting his actions and try to push him away first. You’re more likely to create a negative reality with a negative mindset, so focus on what’s going well and trust that relationships can unfold without the constant search for issues.

Even if you’ve had some tough relationships in the past, it’s important to address the issues before diving into something new. When you carry past baggage into a new relationship, this only keeps your past alive in your present.

Talking about the ex

Bringing up your exes and past relationships is nothing but a quick way to push men away. There is no need to mention them early on in a new relationship, so if you feel the need to vent, you can save it for your friends. Make sure you don’t burden your new connection with old wounds. Men make plenty of mistakes, too, and many of them are the same ones you may do as well. While no one’s perfect, the good news is that you can take proactive steps to avoid sabotaging your current and future relationships.

Know that you deserve relationships that are happy, healthy, and extraordinary, and the first step to thriving in your connections is to truly love and like yourself. If you can’t do this, it becomes much harder to sustain the types of relationships you truly want.

Read next: 6 Myths That Keep Couples Stuck and Unhappy