Is your partner a man-child? Let’s find out together!

I recently asked you to write me privately about what your men do and drive you crazy. While many of you told me that you hate that your husbands don’t participate in household activities, such as cooking or cleaning, one thing that stuck with me was a woman, let’s call her Linda, who wrote me an email telling me that her partner is a man’s child.

After two years of dating, Linda moved in with her significant other a year ago. She was happy with her man because he was always sweet and cautious with her emotions, always ready to help her with household chores, but now all he does is lay on the couch and play video games, watch football games, and always leave his clothes on the floor. He doesn’t even take the trash out and always expects her to take over. Yep, Linda is in a relationship with a man-child.

Sadly, many women are in a similar situation, and they usually think that everything will get better eventually. While that’s true and your man can get back on track soon, it’s not always the case. You can expect months and even years for your man to let go of the Peter Pan syndrome and act like a person involved in a relationship. You’re not alone in this. A man-child is often messy and emotionally immature, which makes it very hard to discuss. Without further ado, here are all the signs you’re dating a man-child:

1. He’s always a victim

Listen, sometimes we’re all tired and we’re upset when things don’t go our way, but always complaining and having a victim mentality won’t help anyone grow. A man-child always has an excuse for why he was late, why he can’t pay the bills, why he can’t take you out, why he can’t commit, and why he’s too busy to help you clean the house.

It’s never his fault, because he’s just a victim, and life is unfair. This unreliable man can’t see that he’s the denominator in these issues. He will be content that you always understand and support him, although he doesn’t reciprocate.

2. He’s unreliable

Do you need a ride to work or to an event? Do you hope that he’ll come with you to the doctor’s office to hold your hand? Or maybe you expect him to pick you up from the airport. Don’t count on it, because you might be disappointed.

A man-child has huge difficulties keeping his commitments. And he’s so caught up in his head that he doesn’t understand why you’re upset with him. If he lets you down, he doesn’t think it’s such a big deal. What’s worse is that he might even gaslight you into thinking you put too much pressure on something and that his behavior is normal.

It’s easy to believe someone you love because your mind tries to find excuses for them to assure you there’s nothing wrong. Stay firm, think about your needs and expectations, and don’t be afraid to speak your mind. If he can’t meet your needs, somebody else will!

3. He behaves like a frat boy

Even though he’s no longer college-age, he loves to party every week, even if he has something important the next day. He seems out of control, telling you that you’re too bossy and you should cut it loose.

Moreover, a man-child is always with his friends who have the same mentality, and they make fun of everyone who doesn’t get them, including you. It’s like the teenage years all over again, and you’re not his mother!

4. He’s a financial mess

This is usually a person who is underemployed or unemployed on a long-term basis; I’m not talking about student loans or a medical emergency, because those things are understandable. However, a man-child might jump from one job to another, not because the place is toxic or underpaid, but because he can’t make up his mind, he doesn’t like hard work, and he doesn’t show he can take on responsibilities.

He acts like it might as well be a hopscotch game. In addition to his impulsive spending and late credit card payments, he’s not organized enough to file his taxes. He makes jokes about how you should be the one to pay when you go out, and while there’s nothing wrong with splitting the bill or making turns who pays, always counting on you to cover the bill isn’t romantic, healthy, or pleasant.

5. He can’t handle criticism

While it can be hard to handle criticism, it can be beneficial for one’s growth and self-development. However, a man-child is more likely to take everything personally, seeing every piece of feedback and suggestion as an assault. That’s because he cannot self-reflect, and he’s overly sensitive.

Moreover, a man like this is more likely to be defensive when you confront him with his shortcomings, and that leads us back to what we’ve previously talked about, aka victim mentality. Everything happens to him, and he’s way too caught up in his own world to notice that he has the chance to change what he doesn’t like.

You can offer him your support and patience and help him get through a difficult time. But if he refuses and doesn’t change anything in his behavior, you’re dating a man-child.

6. He doesn’t know how to tackle age-appropriate tasks

This is one of the most common red flags of dating a man-child and is exactly what Linda shared in her email. An immature man expects his partner to do everything because he had his mother do so for him. And since your second job is to take care of the household, what’s the point in him knowing how to do things anyway?

Simple adult responsibilities like setting a table, fixing a tie, or scheduling a doctor’s appointment elude him. He’s probably not that good at basic housework; genuine kids are probably better. He could be starving, but he won’t even know how to make scrambled eggs, so he’ll wait for you to come home and cook.

When you point out that he’s incapable of doing something, he either attempts to persuade you to do it for him or entirely ignores the situation. This can put you in a position to enable his poor behavior, so watch out.

7. He uses weaponized incompetence

…Pay attention to this one, because it can be a sign of manipulation! 

Weaponized ineptitude is when a man-child asks a million questions about a task, acts as though he doesn’t know how to do it, or claims to be unable to perform it to convince his partner to do it for him.

This is how it goes: you ask your partner to get dinner ready because you need to clean the house. Deliberately, your significant other asks so many questions about what to do, where the pans and pots are, what utensils he needs, how much oil to put in, and so much more. You have to respond to so many questions that it would be easier to just do it yourself and postpone your other task.

These are only a few signs that you’re dating a man-child, so if you’d like to talk more in-depth about this topic, leave a comment below, and we’ll take care of it. If you want to learn how to deal with your man and improve your relationship, my counselor friend recommends you check out this book!

If you enjoyed reading this article and would like to check out something else from Detangle Love, here’s a good post for you: Here Are 10 Benefits of Being Single