Frequently Asked Questions About a Dying Relationship

Navigating this territory brings up many difficult questions. Here are a few common ones.

Is it normal to go through these stages?

All long-term relationships experience conflict and periods of distance. Seeing one or two of these patterns pop up from time to time, especially during periods of high stress, is normal. The danger lies not in the occasional argument, but when these patterns become the default way you interact. A healthy relationship has effective repair skills to pull itself out of these negative cycles. A dying relationship gets stuck in them.

What if my partner won’t work on the relationship with me?

This is an incredibly painful and difficult situation. You cannot force another person to change or to participate in repairing a relationship. If you have expressed your feelings and needs clearly and calmly, and your partner is unwilling or unable to meet you halfway, you have a decision to make. You can focus on what you can control: your own well-being, your boundaries, and seeking individual therapy to help you process your emotions and decide on your next steps. Sometimes, the only choice you have is how you will respond to the situation as it is.

How do I know if it’s too late to save my marriage?

There is no simple checklist for knowing when a relationship is truly over. However, some key indicators that repair may be impossible include the complete and total absence of respect, admiration, or affection; a situation involving ongoing, unaddressed abuse or betrayal; or a fundamental and irreconcilable difference in core life values. If one or both partners have no motivation left to even try, it is a sign that the relationship may have reached its end. A discerning couples therapist can help you get clarity on this question. For more information on mental health and relationships, you can visit the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).