On this episode of DETANGLE
Are you afraid that you might be in a toxic relationship? Unfortunately, if a relationship stops bringing you joy and happiness and constantly makes you anxious, sad, or even worse, angry, it’s time to realize that it may be a toxic one, and the only solution is to get out of it as soon as possible. In my case, a couple of years ago I found myself stuck with a toxic partner who gaslighted me all the time, and all he did was complain and yell at me every time I wasn’t on the same page with him. It was horrible!
Because I have been through this and I don’t want any other human being to feel the same, I am here to give personal advice on how to safely move on from a relationship that’s not healthy! Because remember, sometimes love is not enough for a relationship to work out!
How do you know you’re in a toxic relationship?
Nobody ever chooses to be in a toxic relationship. Everybody wants to live happily ever after, where their needs and their partner’s needs are met in the shared life they create. But occasionally that doesn’t happen for whatever reason. Instead, what we thought was positive turned out to be harmful.
Unfortunately, many individuals are unaware of how to recognize it. As they are not emotionally invested, it is easier to judge from the outside. But if you have any reason to believe that the relationship you are in is no longer fulfilling you, it is time to look out for some warning signs. Continue reading to learn more about this subject so you can act morally going forward.
1. Save money
One of the first steps to walking out of a toxic relationship is to be financially prepared for the ultimate breakdown of the relationship. Try to save as much money as you can. It’s critical to be ready in case anything unexpected occurs over night and you end up needing to find a new place to stay. It wouldn’t hurt to have a little bag with the necessities stashed away somewhere in the house. Be cautious and have both cash and credit card funds on hand!
2. Tell trusted family members and friends about the situation, including that you plan to leave
For some people who are introverts or who don’t necessarily open themselves up that much in front of others, this may seem hard to do. But when the situation requires it (especially if we’re talking about an abusive relationship), you must seek out outside help.
If you have a close group of friends or a good relationship with your sibling or another member of your family, then talk to them about your problems. In case you need to leave the place you and your partner currently live, it’s important to know if you can crash at one of them before looking for rent.
Even if they can’t help very much, at least they may offer social and emotional support, and it’s very important to feel included, especially in this matter.
3. Stop denying it’s bad
Another important step in getting out of a toxic relationship is to look straight in the “eyes” of the problem. No matter how hard it may seem, it’s very important to acknowledge the fact that it isn’t getting any better. It may seem like a tiny step to acknowledge that you are in a bad relationship. But in truth, it’s enormous! From denial to acceptance, it feels like you are crossing a canyon.
Many psychological studies on toxic relationships demonstrate that staying in a bad situation for an extended amount of time can have negative effects like burnout, sadness, and anxiety.
4. Work on your self esteem
A person can get depressed after receiving constant verbal abuse for months or years or after being told they will never find someone better; they might even start to believe it. This, however, is false! In most cases, toxic partners utilize this strategy to keep their partner in the relationship by tearing down their partner’s sense of self-worth and self-esteem.
Make “I deserve better!” your everyday motto by swapping out derogatory self-worth beliefs for uplifting ones. For your own psychological and emotional health, you must go forward and think that you definitely deserve to be happy alongside someone who is good for you!
5. Keep a journal of your daily emotions
Writing about your feelings and emotions might be the last thing you want to do when you’re dealing with a toxic relationship. However, this is what might help you realize how bad the situation is. This is called simply “expressive writing.” Expressive writing is the term used by psychologists to describe the act of writing down your emotions. And they concur that after writing, you could feel more frightened, apprehensive, or upset.
Are you looking for a cute notebook to write down your thoughts and feelings about what’s happening to you and your relationship right now? I have the best recommendation for you! This amazing recovery journal is a perfect educational book that you can buy for an amazing price on Amazon. I just added it to my collection, which was approved by my therapist.
Yet within a few weeks, according to the study, you’ll probably start to feel the advantages on both a mental and physical level, such as raising happiness levels, lowering blood pressure, and strengthening the immune system.
6. Seek the help of a therapist
Depending on how serious the situation is, making a tactical plan for leaving a toxic relationship may be necessary. And if you don’t know if you can handle the situation on your own, finding a therapist to talk to can be very beneficial. You can deal better, regain your sense of value, and address any safety concerns with the aid of a qualified therapist.
Furthermore, you can get objective advice and accountability from a person who has an unbiased opinion and the necessary resources to help you set and stick to your objectives. Leaving a toxic relationship was never easy, so it would be even harder to go through the breakup alone. If you still can’t afford a therapist, you can rely on close friends and family.
7. Cut off communication with the toxic person
When you get out of a toxic relationship, you may start feeling anxious and emotionally unstable. That’s why it’s very important to stop contacting your ex once the relationship is over. It’s easier to get back together if you stay in touch with your ex. A toxic person may use emotional blackmail to lure you back in by manipulating your emotions.
A lot of people who kept in touch with their former partners end up in the same toxic relationship after a while because of extremely persuasive conversations about getting back together. If you know you’re usually weak and you’re getting emotional very fast, stop talking to your ex as soon as possible. If it helps, you can also unfollow them on social media!
Unless you have children together and must co-parent, stop all communication with your partner as soon as you decide to split up. If so, only talk to each other about the kids.
8. Stay firm with your decision to leave the toxic relationship
If you’ve reached this far, then you’re probably 100% sure that this toxic relationship can’t be saved anymore. If so, you’ll need to keep telling yourself that it’s not your fault. Even if a controlling or toxic ex changes, it was probably brought on by the shock of the split.
If you reconnect, there is a very significant likelihood that they will resume their destructive actions. Being steadfast in your resolve to leave a toxic relationship will require you to follow through. Ending a toxic relationship can be very painful, and sometimes you need a lot of alone time to process your feelings and move on. Don’t rush to run into another person’s arms. Give yourself time to heal!
9. Don’t rush into a new relationship too soon
In order to prevent a rebound, give yourself some recovery time before beginning a new relationship. This is a key time to concentrate on self-reflection and assess your position. Also, now is a wonderful time to reflect on your shortcomings and make a decision about the kind of relationship you want to devote your time to. Try to work on yourself before getting into another connection. Many people lose themselves when a toxic relationship ends, and the recovery might be a long-lasting process.
Are you or someone that you know in a toxic relationship? These nine steps can help you get back on track. It’s not easy, that’s for sure, but it will get better with time. And no matter where you are in the process of ending a toxic relationship, be proud of how far you’ve come and remind yourself on a daily basis that you deserve a healthy and rewarding relationship with a good and kind person.
If you’re seeking more information about how to spot a toxic relationship, you may also want to read this article: Toxic Relationship? Here Are 10 Signs You’re in One.