Sometimes relationships just do not work out! And I felt it too when I had my last breakup and spent sleepless nights trying to figure out why it happened. Yet, I realized that sometimes, what we are told is not the true reason. Read all about the true reasons we go through heartbreak here!
Did you recently go through a breakup and yet something feels not quite right?
There is nothing pleasant about going through a breakup. But if you think that this breakup seems to have come out of the blue or that the reasoning that you have been given sounds more like an excuse than a reason, you should listen to your gut.
A lot of the time, the reasons people invoke when they break up are actually excuses, and they hide the truth behind the curtain. Be it that they are afraid to be honest, that they are actually bored, or that their priorities shifted, there is always a deeper meaning behind these excuses!
To help you make sure you know what actually happened or just to satisfy your curiosity, we have broken down some of the most common excuses used during breakups and explained the real meaning behind them!
Have you used any of these excuses before?
Excuse 1: It’s not you, it’s me.
This one may just be the oldest excuse in the book, and even if it has gotten a bit more popular in online spaces, it is still one of the excuses people have used for breakups since the dawn of time. It is, after all, a very easy way to cop out and to try to seem like you do not really want to take this step, but in reality, it is exactly what you want to do.
The person who uses this excuse is quite self-absorbed and tries to seem like the bigger person by taking the fall for the relationship, but in reality, they are not really doing that. What they really mean is that they blame you for the relationship’s failure and blame the entire reason for the breakup on you.
Not only is it a way for them to not have to say that they believe it is only your fault that the breakup happened in the first place, but it is also a really mean thing to say. If they loved you as much as they claimed they did, they would have never said something like this.
Excuse 2: I just want to focus on my career.
This one is not as black and white as the other ones have been. Especially since some people are very career-driven or even study-driven and want to devote the majority of their attention to that. However, most people who are career-driven would not use this as an excuse to break up with someone.
For most people who use this excuse, it is just that. nothing more than a plain excuse. It doesn’t have to mean anything more is at play here, though there have been times when the person has fallen for someone else at work. It could just be that you are no longer a match, that they want a break, or that they are just using a convenient excuse. Unfortunately, you are the one who will have to decide if they are genuine or not.
Excuse 3: We’ve got nothing in common anymore.
You have to be able to read between the lines. If you have been together for years and they end up asking for a breakup and bring this up, they could have very well told you that you bore them to no end. It is a very straightforward way for them to tell you that they no longer feel any spark between the two of you and that the relationship fails to interest them or even make them happy.
Another version of this is “We have drifted apart.” And you cannot go into defense mode when you are given this excuse. You should be thinking about what happened in the last few months that could have gone differently, maybe offering some changes, or just taking it like a champ and just accepting the breakup.
In the end, this is one of the more honest ones.
One of the cornerstones of a happy marriage is communication. Learn how to communicate with your partner more efficiently here!
Excuse 4: It’s just temporary!
But is any breakup ever temporary? Do you really need a ton of time apart to think about whether or not you are going to want to continue being with someone? Of course, you can separate as a married couple after you have tried to work things out and need more time, but let’s be honest. A lot of the time, if you are going to take a break, there is a high chance that it is going to end in a definitive split.
The thing with this breakup excuse is that one party can inadvertently dangle some hope in front of the other instead of being honest with them. Most of the cases are a copy of “It’s not you, it’s me”, where they do not want to outright tell the other they want to break up. They just say, “Let’s separate for a while,” and a lot of people end up not even bothering to keep in contact.
Not to mention, this can also backfire on you. You may realize you want to be with the person, but they have moved on since you were apart. When you think about it, it says more about you than them…
Excuse 5: I am not worthy of you.
Speaking of other ways in which you can reuse the “It is not you; it is me” line, If you have heard this before, you know it is generally followed by an admission of infidelity in different capacities. Be it that they have actually cheated on you or that they have almost cheated on you, it is all some sort of smoke and mirrors to soften the blow for the following admission.
Generally speaking, when someone brings up the topic of whether or not they are deserving of the other partner and puts so much emotional charge behind their worth in a relationship, it is not a good sign. And if you end up hearing this, prepare to have your heart broken in one way or another. It may not even lead to a breakup, but if someone broke your trust in such a way, would you want them around?
Excuse 6: I need to find myself.
Do they really? You may be inclined to say that this is just a lame excuse, and while some people use it as a mere copout method, most of the time it could just be the plain old truth. Your partner may have been unhappy with the relationship and found that they had lost their sense of self.
It could be that they feel suffocated in the relationship, and they need to relearn who they are outside of your partnership. Maybe they feel like they have dedicated themselves too much to the relationship that they have no more alone time, or they feel like they are nothing outside of being someone’s significant other.
This is definitely hard to hear when you go through a breakup, but in the end, in this case, it is best to listen to them. There is a high chance they will come back after some introspection, and who knows? You could also benefit from this and find yourself too.
If you’re going to join the online dating space after you have healed emotionally after a breakup, make sure you don’t end up getting catfished! To easily spot fake accounts make sure you check for these signs!