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How to Come to Terms After a Bad Fight (7 Amazing Tips)

On this episode of DETANGLE


What to do after you had a fight with your partner?

We all argue with our partners from time to time. This is something that is perfectly normal to happen in a long-term relationship, and sometimes it can help both of you grow.

But what can you do after you’ve had a really bad fight? Let’s find out!

Conflict is unavoidable in any relationship since we all have different wants and desires. Naturally, our varying needs and demands cause us to not always see eye to eye. Even little misunderstandings can result in full-blown fights in our worst moments.

But the thing about arguing is that, as terrible as it may feel when it’s happening, if handled properly, the resolution may ultimately bring you closer together. In fact, learning how to handle the post-fight process can help you recover even stronger than before.

But how can you encourage your partner to talk after a fight? How do you re-establish the connection after that? What if they refuse to speak to you and open up, and it appears that they no longer want anything to do with you?

Okay, it’s not that easy, but affection, understanding, and an apology are good places to start. Sometimes the best way to reconnect with our significant other is to show how much we adore and care about them.

Take “timeouts”

Trying to settle a fight when you’re both emotionally charged is risky, and it frequently causes more damage. That is why it is essential to take timeouts, whether during or after a fight.

To prevent causing further discomfort in the heat of the moment and making the fight worse, try stepping back for a bit to give each other breathing room. Even taking a break for a glass of water or doing a relaxing breathing exercise might help you collect your thoughts and return to an emotionally neutral position more quickly.

Sometimes couples find it useful to have an argument plan in place. This can be an understanding that it’s okay to leave a fight or a tense situation if the goal is to avoid escalation. Others may make time a few days later to continue the conversation once emotions have calmed. The key is to wait until you are both calm and prepared to tackle the issue objectively.

Photo by fizkes from Shutterstock

Always choose forgiveness

Forgiveness does not imply tolerating bad behavior, rather, it is the decision to let go of negative emotions that will only harm you. By forgiving, you’re also expressing that you value yourself enough not to let someone else’s faults hold you back in life.

Remember that forgiving does not mean forgetting everything. It also does not imply giving your loved one the freedom to continue hurting you just because they apologized. Choosing to forgive indicates that you accept their apologies, accept that they understand how you feel and that you are both willing to move on from this situation. Learning to forgive is an important step toward forming a positive bond.

Assume responsibility for your actions

The unfortunate reality is that it is only in exceptional cases that one partner is at fault for a disagreement. It can happen, but it is far more unusual than you might expect. You may be right in your feelings or thoughts, but that doesn’t mean it is acceptable to act out in rage. When both partners refuse to assume responsibility, the relationship can never improve.

It is incredibly rare to have a fight in which only one person is to blame, yet it is always easier to blame the other side, right? It is easy, but it is not the best path to take if you want a strong relationship.

So, when you are given the chance to reflect on what happened, consider your actions and think about what you could have done differently. Then explain to your lover that you shouldn’t have done it and that you regret everything that happened because of that.

It will be significantly simpler to forgive, accept, and move on if both of you take some responsibility for your own acts, not to mention that you will develop and become better as a couple after this.

Present your side of the story without pointing fingers

When it’s your turn to speak up after the fight, avoid focusing on blame and instead express your concerns in a laid-back, non-blaming manner. While the details of your discussion will differ depending on the circumstances, here are some ideas for communicating your point of view without accusing others.

Avoid beginning a sentence with “you always.” Instead of, for example, saying “you always leave the kitchen such a mess,” consider saying, “I have an extremely stressful week at work and I would love to come home to a tidy kitchen.

Begin statements with “I,” not “you.” “You remarks,” such as “You just waste money and don’t care about the financial consequences,” imply blame, which might provoke a defensive response. Reduce the blame game by transforming them into “I statements,” such as “I get anxious when I see large charges that I don’t recognize on our accounts; I would like to make sure we’re both on the same page about saving.”

Compromising is always a good idea

You choose to remain with your partner, which implies that you must make certain sacrifices, and conflicts with your relationship are no exception. This means that you must keep an open mind and that at least one party must meet in the middle with their demand or compromise.

This does not necessarily indicate that you will obtain what you want, but it does guarantee that major issues will be discussed and addressed. As a result, both of you might be pleased with this decision.

Because a relationship is a lengthy game, one small sacrifice today will result in many wonderful memories later in life.

Photo by Dragana Gordic from Shutterstock

Ask about what went wrong

In many cases, we do not see our actions as damaging or wrong, so simply asking for the other person’s point of view can go a long way. By addressing what went wrong, you can help them reflect on their own actions that led to the fight growing. Ask it gently, and then truly listen to your partner; otherwise, this question may lead to another fight.

Hopefully, they view this as a relationship problem that the two of you can work on together. However, this step should only be taken after you have cooled down. But keep in mind that if you want your partner to be able to see his or her flaws, you must be ready to do the same.

Work together and try to find a solution

Once you’ve both given each other space to vent your own concerns and feel understood and heard, try to work together on finding a realistic solution.

Let’s talk about jealousy. If you are concerned about the potential threat that others pose to your relationship, you may begin to identify a pattern of manipulative behavior in yourself. You may constantly want your partner only for yourself, or you may demand that they treat you with special care in a social context (and then be disappointed when they don’t).

While those tendencies will not disappear overnight, you and your partner can make tiny gestures to help each other feel safer. This could imply paying more attention in situations where jealousy anxiety is present. Alternatively, you could choose to fully listen to each other’s point of view before acting defensively.

If you want to know how to manage future fights and artifacts, this book might help you achieve that.

You should also check out: Are You Into Online Dating? 8 Rules You Have to Know

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