On this episode of DETANGLED
Some people say that intimacy is the glue of any relationship, but in my opinion, that’s a little too much. I know that having fun in the bedroom is beneficial for every couple, but there are a lot of couples who can work just fine without too much of it. However, when life happens, some people completely forget about this human need, and they leave their partners in a dry spell. If that’s your situation and you want to learn more about it, then keep reading.
What do you think about the lack of intimacy?
As much as I would like to think that my relationship is perfect, that’s not true. I could lie and tell you that I have everything I ever wanted and that my partner is the most understanding person I could ever dream of, but we all know that such a thing as a perfect romantic relationship simply doesn’t exist in real life.
If you’ve read any articles or books about couples, or if you ever went to a specialist with your SO, you probably know that all experts say that intimacy is the glue to any romantic connection between 2 people.
It makes both of you feel good, happy, and more in tune with your bodies as well as with one another, but it can also help you release stress and anxiety, feel more relaxed, improve your immune system, treat depression, relieve headaches, and provide so many other health benefits.
But regardless of whether we know about these amazing benefits, sometimes, intimacy is simply not one of the priorities. Life happens, and there are times when people get busy, they’re on a deadline, and they have a lot going on, and the last thing on their minds is intimacy.
I’ve been on a dry spell quite a few times, and I wouldn’t say I liked it, but to be honest, I didn’t even pay a lot of attention to it. There are a few things that can zap your special desire, such as working too much, being constantly stressed, running around after children all day long, and so many other things that we’ll discuss in today’s article.
Without further ado, here are 6 reasons why you’re not that active in the bedroom.
1. No sleeping schedule
Yes, that’s a thing, and it can impact your intimate life in many ways. When your body is tired and restless, your mind is also exhausted and you’re more likely to feel cranky, annoyed, and not in the mood for anything. You probably don’t even want to get up from bed, especially if you only had an hour of sleep.
As you can imagine, when your body is sleep-deprived and fatigued, you don’t even think about intimacy. As much comfort and passion as it might bring, we have to admit that intimacy is indeed physical work. You have to perform, and it’s not as easy as it might seem: you have to make both of you feel good; you don’t want to rush things, but you also don’t want to wait a lot of time to get things started.
If you’ve noticed that you or your partner are extremely tired at night and you can’t even think of intimacy, try it in the morning, when you’ll have more energy.
Or you can change your sleeping schedule and go to bed an hour or 2 earlier, depending on your daily routine. This will allow you to wake up earlier than you would normally do and if your partner does the same thing as you, it means that you can squeeze some physical activity into your day.
I don’t know what you think, but in my opinion, society nowadays is everything but hectic. Things are moving extremely fast, and people are becoming busier and busier and also more stressed. Believe it or not, anxiety is a symptom that’s way more common than you think, and people of all genders and ages feel it.
Some experts even say that this is modern society’s biggest health problem, and it can affect someone’s life in ways you can’t even imagine. For instance, someone who suffers from anxiety is more likely to experience difficulties focusing on their daily tasks; they might have a hard time falling asleep and waking up in the morning, and the last thing on their minds is intimacy.
What’s worse about all this is that sometimes anxiety can also make people live inside their heads and forget about the real world that surrounds them. They’re more likely to get irritated, frustrated, and sad, so if you and your partner experience any of these typical symptoms, don’t waste your time and should talk to one another and find a way to add intimacy back into your love life.
3. Body image
This is a very serious topic, and it might trigger people, so please be careful when you read about it and ask a professional for help if you have any issues!
If you watched the popular TV show “S*x and the City,” you probably know that Samantha Jones had a lot of fun with the men in her life. She was a very confident woman who didn’t think that she had a body issue, and intimacy was one of her favorite things ever.
If you’re like Samantha and you’re very confident in the way you look, you’re more likely to be open regarding different things about intimacy, and you won’t shy away from trying new things.
But if you already have a bad impression of your physical image, you might notice that intimacy is something that you’re more likely to neglect or postpone. That’s because you already think that you don’t look good, and you certainly don’t want someone else to pay attention to your body, especially when you don’t have anything to cover you up and you’re feeling extra vulnerable.
Here’s the thing: I know that it might sound hard to put into practice, but you’re absolutely GORGEOUS just the way you are, and you surely don’t need to have a bad impression of your appearance. You can try to make a few changes to boost your confidence, such as trying a workout routine, being more active in general, and eating more healthy and nutritious foods.
All these simple things might sound unnecessary, but small changes add up, and you’ll notice that sooner or later, these efforts will pay off and you’ll be able to enjoy intimacy again.
If you’re curious to know more about another reason why people neglect intimacy in their lives, it’s boredom. Yep, that’s right. Couples sometimes forget that love should be fun, exciting, and thrilling, but with a little bit of effort, they can bring back the passion into their lives.
If either you or your partner feels like you’re in a rut and you need something else to bring back the spark, why don’t you take a look at your relationship? If you pay attention to the things that you no longer want and like, such as the place where you typically have your intimacy sessions or the positions that you generally adopt, you can make a few twists here and there.
You can try wearing specific and special outfits, or you can have fun in another part of your home, play with each other, go on a trip, book a vacation, or do whatever you think will bring you closer together.
If none of these tips work, you can always talk to a professional regarding your intimacy problem, and maybe you’ll find some things that will bring back the spark. It probably won’t solve all of your issues immediately, but with a little patience and effort, I’m sure that you’ll be just fine.
5. You don’t have time
It feels like, nowadays, nobody has time for anything. Everyone’s so caught up in their lives that sometimes all we do is go to work, take care of children or grandkids, sleep, wake up, and take it all in from the beginning. You might see that your couple’s life has changed a lot, and you have to make some changes to allow intimacy back into your life.
When someone feels like they’re always on the go, with a lot of things to do and requirements to meet, spontaneity and intimacy are the last things on their mind.
I’ve talked to a few experts, and they shared a tip you can try to make your bedroom life better: schedule intimacy. I know, I know, it doesn’t sound appealing or romantic at all, but at least it’s something, and it will make both of you excited to spend some quality time together and blow off some steam.
Maybe it won’t be exactly how you expected it the first couple of times, but it will make you remember how nice it is to be together with your partner. Besides that, there’s also the possibility that this will help you get in the mood and look forward to each other’s company way more than you can imagine. It doesn’t hurt to try, does it?
6. You fight too often
Whether we like it or not, conflicts can interfere with people’s romantic relationships more than we would want to admit. Fights are normal, especially in a couple where it’s almost impossible to agree on everything all the time.
While some lovers don’t have a problem with intimacy after a fight and would rather get it on ASAP, others prefer to stay away from any form of affection or romanticism for a while.
You’ve surely heard people say that “makeup intimacy” is one of the best things ever, but if I’m being honest with you, I’ve never tried something like that. When my partner and I have a fight, we don’t even want to see one another for at least a couple of minutes, and I can’t even imagine being all over each other.
A fight here and there isn’t going to affect your relationship, but if you constantly disagree, lie, and shout, that is not going to make things better for you.
If something like this happens, you should take some time to cool off, then have an honest conversation and go to the root of the problem, because that’s the only way you can actually make up and enjoy all the benefits that intimacy has to offer.
Have you ever had any intimacy problems in your relationship? How did you get rid of them? Tell us in the comments because you can never know if someone else is in the same situation as you were and your experience might be helpful to them.
Nobody said that relationships and intimacy are easy, but there are many books written by experts who know what they’re talking about, and you should definitely check them out to understand your problems better. If you need help, this book is going to be just great for your romantic relationship!
…If relationships are a little too complicated for you and you want to learn how to master all these love secrets, we’re here for you! Check out this article for some amazing tips: Toxic Relationship? Here Are 10 Signs You’re in One!