Not Attracted Anymore? This Could Be Why!
It’s not easy at all. It hurts. It hurts a lot to sit near the person who once made your heart race, and feel… indifferent. The spark that once brought you together seems to have dimmed. You feel overwhelmed and don’t know where to start from. You even question yourself if it’s worth it to bring back the fire, or just end the relationship. You miss him but don’t feel an intense need to repair the bond. Strange, right?
It’s a scenario many of us face in long-term relationships, yet it’s one we rarely talk about openly. The first time you notice this shift in your relationship you may feel broken. After years and years together, it’s normal for you and your partner to settle into a routine. But when date nights transform into Netflix marathons, romantic conversations turn into logistical planning, and physical affection is not a priority anymore, it’s the time you should worry about what’s coming. Are you falling out of love? Or is there something wrong with you? All these kinds of questions are starting to race your mind, creating a storm and making it hard to control your fear.
Even though we like it or not, relationships evolve, and we go through a lot of phases. Life’s challenges can easily overshadow stability and basically transform us into robots, no longer interested in bonding and establishing romantic connections. It’s a common experience and the feeling of guilt is developed because we are taught to believe that love should always be passionate. That’s not true! Life is full of ups and downs and every journey has its own good and bad parts.
Before we get to the tips and tricks, let’s find out why you feel this way!
6 Reasons you are falling out of love
1. Routine and monotony
Have you ever felt like your relationship became another thing on your to-do list? Life gets incredibly busy and we form routines that are hard to break. Sometimes the partners of long-term relationships experience entire months without doing any enjoyable activities together. For most of them, every evening looks the same. Weekends are not much different too and it’s completely normal to feel bored and get tired of the monotony. Over time, this lack of new activities and inspiration can become hard to handle, making the partners distant. So, the loving relationship transforms into a partnership of convenience.
It’s very easy for attraction to wane when a relationship loses its sense of adventure. As lives get busier and harder to handle, the idea of discovering new things together fades. But… you don’t have to take things too seriously! Breaking the routine is not impossible and doesn’t have to mean grand gestures or expensive trips. In reality, it’s about rediscovering the joy in small things.
So, be the first one to make a change in your relationship and surprise your partner with a day trip to a nearby town or try a new recipe together. Even though it might sound silly, spending some quality time together, will immediately change your perspective and break the boring routine.
2. Emotional intimacy
We all know that intimacy is not only physical, right? But what can we do to maintain the bond with our partner on an emotional level? The only right answer is: to communicate. Talk about how you feel and express yourself freely. Don’t hold in any emotions. It’s important to let your partner know that any of their thoughts deserve to be heard. So, create a safe place where both of you can open up about their feelings and share their needs.
It’s normal to go through phases when you and your partner barely talk and almost feel like you live parallel lives rather than sharing one. However, it’s important to not let this emotional gap break what you built in all the years you’ve been together. Even though rebuilding emotional intimacy takes a lot of effort, trust us, it’s worth investing your time and energy in the process.
Once the emotional relationship is completely broken, there is no way to go back to what you once had. Start with small, but meaningful conversations. Ask your partner simple questions like “How do you feel?” or “How was your day?”, and keep in mind that vulnerability is one of the things that can bring you closer. Be honest and patiently rebuild your connection.
Also, here is a book you should read: Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime by Julie Menanno!
3. Unrealistic expectations
We’ve all been influenced by romantic movies or books in our life. It’s hard not to compare what you see on TV and what you read about with what you have at home. In reality, it’s completely normal for life not to match those unrealistic fantasies. It can feel disappointing once you understand that, but it can be also relieving. Comparing yourself and your relationship to others is not a healthy habit and you should avoid it at all costs. We all tend to question whether there is something wrong going on when our daily lives don’t mirror those expectations.
Make sure you stay focused on authenticity and always remember that love isn’t perfect, but most importantly, it’s real.
4. Physical changes
We like it or not, as we age, our body aspect changes and we don’t look the same as we used to when we were younger. With all the models we see nowadays on social media, we tend to feel bad and believe we are doing something wrong and not meeting the standards.
It’s a sensitive topic, but it deserves our attention. Weight gain, weight loss, or even hair loss, all of these are normal changes and can sometimes contribute to the way we see our partners. We forget that love is also not static and evolving as we age. So, we should never worry about the things we can’t control. Changes are normal and we should embrace them with confidence.
5. Stress
Work deadlines, family responsibilities, and a lot of financial worries are some of the factors that can significantly impact a healthy relationship. The pressures we have to deal with daily are not always easy to handle and they can make us feel stressed all the time, and not focus on our partners anymore. There are times in life when we are too drained to connect or focus on the importance of attractions. All we want to do is have some rest and recharge our batteries.
However, doing activities together it’s a great method to combat a stressful period. Talking to each other about your problems and having fun while trying something new is a great way to boost our energy level and get rid of all that annoying stress.
6. Different love languages
Your attraction may also fade in case your love languages are different. One can value words of affirmation, while the other can value the love shown through acts of service. None of these is wrong. The problems are met when the needs are not satisfied. Take your time, discover the differences, and appreciate them. We all know how opposites attract. You just need to learn how to accept them and move forward. Once you do that, everything changes naturally.
Learning each other’s love languages can easily transform and rebuild your connection. It will also impact the way you prioritize things in life. The things that are important for you, are not always the same as the things that are important for your partner. So, trying to understand each other’s perspectives matters more than you can even imagine.
Are you interested in learning more about relationships? You should also read: 7 Signs You’re in a Platonic Relationship.
