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These 9 Things Mean Your Relationship Is Doomed to Fail

Today in Detangle

Do you have the feeling that something’s off in your romantic relationship? It happened to me once. It all started when I realized that my ex-partner was lying to me. Then the arguments started to happen more frequently. We’ve gotten to the point where the only times we shared more than a few words with each other was when we were fighting about countless topics. But how can you tell that your relationship will fail? Let’s find out!

Love is a wonderful thing, but only 9 factors determine if it will be wonderful enough to last.

“What exactly indicates how happy individuals are with their romantic relationships?” is the question that a couple of scientists tried to answer in a recent study. It turns out that the most crucial indicators of whether a relationship will fail or succeed have a foundation in both the two partners and the union.

However, according to the leading author and the head of the Relationships Decision Lab at Western University in Ontario, Canada, the study makes one thing clear.

“It shows that the person we choose isn’t as important as the relationship we build,” Samantha Joel says. “The connection that you build with someone—the in-jokes, the shared experiences, the shared norm—is so much more than the separate people who make up that relationship,” she adds.

Here are 9 warning signs that your relationship will fail!

Photo by 4 PM production at Shutterstock

1. Avoidance of Difficult Issues

Being in a relationship isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. In fact, it’s quite normal to have differences with your partner. Hard issues in a romantic relationship are just that—hard. I mean, you cannot blame your significant other for wanting to avoid them.

However, actual avoidance can be a sign that your relationship will fail, according to the study. The problems simply don’t go away by themselves. They just go underground, only to erupt when someone gets angry or tensions run high.

People in healthy relationships get through the tough stuff. Working on those areas where you two disagree helps a relationship strengthen and grow.

2. A Rescuer/Rescued Relationship

Being on either side of this may feel great—at first, at least. It feels nice to know you are helping someone feel happier after going through a hard time. It’s like you are saving them. It also feels good to be rescued.

But being stuck in either position will get very, very old over time. The rescuer will start to see the rescued as needy, demanding, and helpless. The rescued will start to feel like they don’t measure up in the relationship.

Yes, sometimes partners in healthy relationships provide comfort when everything goes wrong or save each other from making a mistake. There’s nothing wrong with that as long as the roles keep switching.

However, if you find yourself locked into one side, either always being the hero or always needing saving, that’s a sign that the relationship will fail, according to the study. This book may help you better understand unhealthy patterns in a relationship.

3. Gradually Cutting Off Your Other Relationships

Here’s the next telltale sign that a relationship will fail. One of the most toxic ideas is romanticizing “you are all I need.” We’ve heard and read this so many times in countless romantic movies and books.

Although it can be great to feel that you’re very special in your partner’s life, it can turn dangerous if your significant other starts to cut off your ties with family and friends. No one is anyone’s “everything”, and in fact, anyone should be that.

We all need support outside of our love stories, especially during difficult times. We all need multiple interactions with multiple people to have all of our wants and needs met.

Photo by SpeedKingz from Shutterstock

4. Unresolved Previous Relationship

If your loved one is regularly calling, texting, or responding to calls from an ex to give them advice and provide comfort or practical help with things they should really be handling on their own, your partner may not be ready to fully commit to a relationship with you entirely.

Of course, for the sake of the children, a healthy co-parenting relationship with an old partner is essential. But it’s important to limit conversations with them to parenting and avoid looking to your ex for emotional support about other issues (particularly those regarding the current partner).

In other words, when a third person comes in, that’s a pretty noticeable sign that the relationship will fail.

5. No Interest in Your Kids

If you have kids (whether or not they live with you), your love, attention, and concern for their needs aren’t going to go away. If your current partner asks you to choose between them and your kids, then you may want to reconsider if you really want to be put in this position. According to experts, this is usually a sign that sooner or later your relationship is going to fail.

Also, you shouldn’t introduce your kids to your new partner until you are pretty sure that the love story is going to last. But as things between you two develop, you need confidence that they are going to embrace your kids and look forward to loving them and raising them with you.

6. Financial Inequity

Earning, saving, and spending habits can make or break a romantic relationship. Equality doesn’t mean sameness. Some jobs pay a high salary, while others don’t. Some people start a romantic connection with others who have less or more money than their partner.

But finance-related topics and how you will mutually support both yourselves and your couple’s life need to be frankly discussed as you become exclusive. Make sure you don’t overlook this issue, as it can really ruin your love story.

Neither partner should feel used or exploited. Also, neither partner should feel that they have no say in how the common finances are spent. Make sure you don’t let this issue slide.

7. Over-Involvement With Family of Origin

A healthy bond with your mom and dad will only support your love story. But it’s a big no-no when a person’s most important partnership isn’t with their partner but with their parents.

If you feel like your loved one doesn’t stand up for you when their parents criticize you; if your significant other wants to include their parents in every weekend or vacation activity; if your partner talks with their parents about big decisions and doesn’t confer with you or ignores your opinions when they don’t match what the parents said; if your loved one gives their parents time and money that you believe should be spent with your own family—you won’t ever be a genuine partner in the relationship.

Photo by Ground Picture from Shutterstock

8. Dishonesty

An occasional lie is forgivable—and depending on the situation and your moral outlook, sometimes even appropriate. However, a daily barrage of deception or lies about serious matters can ruin a relationship.

Asking yourself what function the lies are playing will often reveal the source of the lies. Does your partner do this to give you the illusion of certain competence in some area or to shore up a failing sense of self-respect?

But you can only understand why your partner is lying to you if you discuss it openly with them. And who knows—if both of you want to commit, together you can find more positive approaches to achieving the same end. Otherwise, your couple’s life is doomed to fail.

9. Lack of Intimacy

By no means is there a general rule when it comes to a healthy intimate life in relationships, but if you and your loved one are unable to express your needs to one another, there is likely trouble ahead.

Since no two people will ever have the same drive, desires, or expectations, it’s important to bring up these sensitive topics and talk about them honestly and openly. If you and your partner can’t get on the same page, there’s a chance that one or both of you could interpret your intimate life status as nonexistent. This usually results in a lack of connection outside of the bedroom as well.

You may also want to read 5 Things Donald and Melania Trump Say About Love & Marriage.

One Response

  1. Thanks for sharing this information!! maybe this will help in the next one for me!!

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