On this episode of DETANGLE
Do you believe any of these myths about infidelity?
Cheating is a phenomenon that happens all the time, and people have always tried to find a reason that could explain why their partners are cheating. Probably that is why there are so many myths about cheating out there.
Together, let’s find out why these preconceptions about infidelity are wrong.
When discussing cheaters, many questions can be raised, such as: Why do they cheat? Will they cheat again? Do they have something in common that causes them to cheat?
The truth is that no one can answer these questions since every scenario is very different. Every relationship has its own hardships and unique moments, and why someone is cheating is a very subjective question.
And, perhaps because human nature is always looking for answers, many myths about cheating begin to spread around the world.
Cheating is motivated by a variety of reasons, including an individual’s personality, background, ability to deal with emotional distress and conflict, and ability to express feelings.
Most individuals believe that cheating is simply about physical intimacy. Clearly, this is not the truth, and if we are wrong about this, how many other so-called “facts” surrounding cheating are also false?
“Once a cheater, always a cheater”
This is already a classic and is the best-known myth about cheating. More than that, this statement is so widespread that people don’t even know it is not true.
And we get why you would be concerned about entering into a relationship with someone who has cheated before. But keep in mind that people are always changing, and if your partner has cheated in the past, that doesn’t mean they will also cheat on you.
Kevin Darné, the author of My Cat Won’t Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany), had stated that if someone can be an ex-smoker, ex-drinker, or ex-drug user, it seems illogical to suppose that someone who cheated on their lover at the age of 16 is bound to be a cheater for the rest of her or his life.
So if you are in love with your partner and you feel like the connection is genuine, it might be a good idea to give them the benefit of the doubt.
“Women cheat less than men”
It is true that the data that was gathered from the statistics based on older studies have shown that men tend to engage in cheating more often than their counterparts. But nowadays, this is not the case anymore. Everyone is cheating, and gender doesn’t play an important role in this.
The Institute for Family Studies conducted research that revealed that even with all of the new discoveries, men still have a slightly higher chance of cheating than women. But this difference is so small that it can be neglected.
Another interesting and also predictable thing is that since women gained more freedom with the help of the sexual revolution, which began in the 1960s, infidelity among women has increased rapidly.
Today, if we look at the segment of married adults with ages between 18 and 29 years old, women are the ones that are prone to cheating and not men.
“The other person is to blame for your partner’s cheating”
Your significant other cheated on you, and you are hurt. This feeling is normal. And now, who’s to blame for all of this? You? Obviously not! Your partner? They might be… The person with whom they cheat on you? Definitely!
Wait for a second, take a deep breath, and let’s take another look at this situation. See, this is not actually the right mindset to analyze incidents like this one.
Maybe the other person wasn’t even aware that your partner was married or in another relationship. Or maybe they knew, but at the end of the day, your significant other is the one who is in a relationship, and they alone decided to betray your trust.
It is true that the other person also did wrong, but to say that is their fault because your partner cheated on you is already too much. So try to see everything more objectively, and also try to put yourself in the shoes of the other person.
“The only reason people are cheating is that they are not happy in their current relationship”
We know that this might sound a little bit confusing, but sometimes the person who is cheating is actually really happy in their relationship. At least, that’s what they believe. And this raises the question, “So, if they are happy, why are they cheating?”
Well, the answer is: it depends. Maybe they are trying to hide some insecurities that they have, or they want to repair something that is lacking in their lives. This is not the easiest subject to approach.
Many people who are unaware that they are not in the best relationship see all those “not-so-great things” not as dealbreakers but more as little inconveniences. They don’t want to lose their significant other, and this leads to cheating because they are trying to find the things that are missing in their actual relationship in other places.
Other people are cheating because this gives them a sense of control in their lives. Maybe they feel trapped, and cheating somehow gives them the freedom that they need.
A bad relationship can make anyone more vulnerable and therefore more at risk of cheating.
“People cheat because they are no longer intimate with their partner”
This is true, but it’s not always the case. A survey performed in 2018 showed that 31% of cheaters were unfaithful because they were no longer intimate with their significant other.
But what about the rest of them? Well, as we can see, people are cheating for a lot of different reasons.
Twenty percent of the respondents said that they wanted to fill a void because they considered that their needs were not met, more specifically, their emotional needs. 17% said that cheating was their way of getting revenge on their partners, and 14% felt neglected in the relationship and only wanted more attention.
The truth is that a relationship is about more than just physical intimacy between partners. It has many more aspects that are important on the same level as this one. The connection, the feeling of being desired, the playfulness All of them influence the way a bond between two people who love each other evolves.
We usually forget about this and only think about the way physical intimacy shapes our relationships.
“Cheating is always intentional”
When someone cheats on their partner, it’s not like they didn’t do it without acknowledging the situation. Still, there is a very slim chance that people are usually saying, “That’s it! Today is the day that I am going to cheat on my partner!” Just look at this; it sounds ridiculous.
People usually meet someone and they gradually begin to get closer and closer to that person. People usually meet someone, and they gradually begin to get closer and closer to that person. Maybe at first, they think they’re just good friends and it doesn’t matter.
After that, they might begin to talk more and more with this new person and share more. Everything is gradual. In the end, all of this may lead to a physical affair.
So, in the end, no one really has a plan or the intention to cheat on their partner. Again, this is still subjective and varies from situation to situation and from couple to couple.
There might be some instances when one of the partners is actively searching for an opportunity to escape the old relationship, and that leads to cheating. But in general, this is not the case.
On this list, we have debunked only six myths about cheating. But there are more, and you can find all of them here.
You should also read: Is Your Spouse Having an Affair? 7 Signs They’re Cheating on You