Are things a bit off lately, and you feel like you’re drifting apart from your partner? Discover the reasons why your man won’t sleep with you! 

S*x is important in any relationship, regardless of how many people tell you otherwise or how superficial you believe yourself to be. But lately, you noticed that when it happens, it happens way less frequently than before, and it’s without any passion or desire, and it feels a bit “dry” as well. So what to do?

Well, society taught us that a man cannot refuse to sleep with you, and when he does, it’s an issue with you as a woman. Then comes the catastrophic way of thinking, “We’re going to end up divorced”, “He is probably cheating,” “I am not attractive anymore” and blah blah.

But the truth is that intimacy changes are normal, especially when you’re in a relationship for a long while and his libido may have nothing to do with you. To make sure you’re both on the same page, it’s important to discuss them as they arise because a lack of physical intimacy is a problem that affects couples, not just one person.

That being said, in today’s article we will talk about some common reasons why your man won’t sleep with you and what you can do about it.

There is a lack of connection and emotional safety

This may be a hard-to-swallow pill, but whenever a relationship isn’t a safe space anymore and the two partners cannot talk openly about their feelings anymore, the s*x drive can disappear. Emotional safety is impossible when a partner is critical, judgmental, or humiliating. Despite our best efforts to remain brave, gather our courage, and keep our feelings to ourselves, the lack of emotional safety will manifest in other ways.

Try to analyze what happened in the past weeks or when you stopped being intimate. The reasons why your man won’t sleep with you can be plenty; that’s why it’s important to find the root of the issue and try to solve it. Maybe you rejected them many times before so they stopped asking if you were in the mood, or perhaps you stopped talking that much about what’s going on in your lives.

Before jumping to conclusions and starting a fight, ask yourself if you’re emotionally safe for your partner. Remember that without vulnerability, intimacy cannot happen.

Low testosterone levels

It may not be pleasant to hear, but testosterone levels decline with age, with around 2% annually after the age of 30. Low testosterone can cause a variety of symptoms, such as weariness, loss of muscle mass, low mood, and decreased energy. Up to 97% of men with low testosterone levels say that their intimate lives suffer as a result. Luckily, counseling, stress reduction, and hormone replacement therapy can all be used to treat this medical condition.

Initiating s*x is not his strength

Another reason why your man won’t sleep with you is because he doesn’t have initiative. It may be hard to believe, but there are a lot of shy men who don’t know how to propose a night under the sheets. Maybe it wasn’t like that in the first years of the relationship, but gradually, after a certain age, men don’t feel that confident about themselves. This is the perfect time to talk about it and ask him if he prefers you to be the one who’s leading the way. There is no shame in that, and in fact, many men are actually aroused by that.

He may have other priorities now

And by that, we don’t mean that he is cheating! The truth is that life can be hectic, chaotic, and sometimes hard, and because of that, the s*x drive can be lower than usual. This applies to couples who have kids, especially. After working all day, you will either want to sit down to watch TV, spend time with the kids, or go to sleep as early as possible. And when you’re exhausted, nothing is better than sleeping.

Feeling tired is a valid reason why your man won’t sleep with you, and it’s not something bad for the relationship. The key is to communicate about this and establish an intimacy frequency that will satisfy both of you.

He is stressed because of work

Being stressed at work is not an uncommon issue, especially in today’s world when everything is uncertain, and it is one of the reasons why your man won’t sleep with you. Maybe he has too many deadlines, maybe the company he is working at is understaffed and he has to do many things to cover for others, maybe the money isn’t exactly as he desired it to be, and so on.

Try discussing with your partner how you can support him in dealing with his job with his private life as well as how you can set limits to prevent work from stepping into your bedroom time. This will hopefully make it easier for him to stay focused while you’re getting intimate.

If you’re feeling that the passion is gone and your relationship is slowly transcending to routine but you don’t have the necessary funds to go to couple therapy, this book might help you. The 8-Week Couples Relationship Therapy Workbook written by psychologist Taylor Blake is designed to help people achieve deeper emotional connections and secure attachment to have healthy relationships. There are 40 exercises in the book that you and your partner can do over eight weeks. Although it requires a commitment, it is well worth it! It costs $15.99 on Amazon.com.

He has a medical condition

Same as women, men can risk various medical conditions after a certain age, and the most common ones are prostate cancer or erectile dysfunction, and both of them can have a huge impact on your intimate life.

If your man went to surgery recently and the doctor recommended putting a pause on your s*x life for a bit, or maybe you have to adjust things a bit because intimacy comes in many forms. All you need to do is find one that works for both of you.

Additionally, he may be going through andropause, which has decreased his desire for intimacy. Providing them with emotional and physical support during a difficult time is crucial for your relationship. Don’t ignore your significant other!

Takeaway:

As you can see, there are many reasons why your man won’t sleep with you, but let’s agree with the fact that we’re all human beings who can be moody, sad, uncomfortable, or even depressed.

For starters, if you have issues connecting or your lives have become too busy because of various reasons, try to schedule some s**y time. Like you plan any other thing! It may not sound appealing, but it works wonders for many couples. Set a date for whichever day of the week you’re both comfortable with and try to stick to the schedule.

Also, try and spend more time together, and don’t forget to ask your partner how their day went and to have a conversation without any outside distractions, like your phones. If your partner has become a bit shy in the bedroom, it is your turn to take the initiative. Use your imagination to come up with something totally new to surprise your partner. Perhaps get some new lingerie, try different foreplay techniques, or just light some scented candles and let your body do the rest of the job. Relax!

Related article: 7 Signs You’re in a Platonic Relationship.