Today in DETANGLE
“How much money do you earn?” What a terrible question to ask on a first date! If that’s something that will make you say NO next time you’re asked out, keep reading because in today’s article, we will talk about some conversations that are a complete turn-off for the person in front of us. Trust me on this because all these were approved by relationship experts!
First dates are always overwhelming because we want to impress the other person, and because of that, we tend to be stressed. In fact, sometimes it feels like you are preparing for an important job interview. Opening yourself to a completely new person is not that easy, especially for introverts or those who are a bit shy.
However, there must be somebody to “break the ice” and start a conversation. But what are the suitable topics? How can you express your feelings without appearing annoying, or even worse, pushy?
But hey! Don’t worry, because you’re not alone in this, and we are here to help! In this article, we will talk about the topics you should never discuss at your first date because some of them are completely inappropriate and others may be intimidating for the person in front of you.
1. Food shaming
Trust me, you don’t want to be that person who ruins other people’s appetite! And one of the golden rules of the first date is definitely not commenting on their food choices. It may be something that you don’t like, but starting a conversation about what you dislike and what you will never eat in your life may offend the other person.
We all have different food tastes, and that’s OK. Some of us are deeply connected to our culture, religion, and so on, and we will find it offensive to be judged about our choices. If you want to have a memorable date, but in a good way, avoid sayings like, “You didn’t touch your pasta,” which appear so straightforward. or “You don’t drink?” Wait a couple of more dates to start any conversations about personal food preferences; it’s better this way.
2. Judging their dating history
You’re about halfway through the evening when they inform you that they had at least ten partners up until that point. How would you react? Even if it appears strange to disclose this kind of information, don’t hurry to comment negatively about it. Maybe your date confides in you and feels free to talk about their past.
There is no need to worry about their past because, after all, it happened a long time ago when you two hadn’t met. Be kind and grateful because not everybody can have free conversations about their relationship history that quickly. Don’t rush to assume who your date is after hearing a few phrases about their exes because this can sabotage something that might have a good future ahead.
3. Your ex
Another topic that definitely needs to be avoided on a first date is talking bad about your ex. It doesn’t matter how good or bad they were; there is neither the time nor the place to talk about them. Unless you want to give the impression that you haven’t moved on from that period of your life.
Besides making you look bad and giving the false impression of a bitter and vengeful person, this is a mood killer for both of you if the evening starts transforming into a conversation about your exes. Focus on getting to know your date instead of drawing analogies to previous relationships.
For most people, this is one of those conversation subjects that makes them go crazy. Seriously! Some of them are too invested in what politicians say and do, and because you don’t share the same opinions, you might get judged.
Because it’s a very, I dare say, “heavy” topic for a first date, you better avoid it as much as possible. After all, you don’t want to lose a potential good partner just because you don’t share the same thoughts regarding that political party.
…psst! If you avoided the subject for long enough but it eventually caught up with you, we have an article about it that may be of help.
5. Love bombing
It’s nice to see somebody invested in their relationship because this is a sign of commitment and loyalty. But how far can this go? Well, there is something that’s called “love bombing,” and that is usually pretty overwhelming, especially for those who are not used to this type of behavior or who come from unhealthy relationships. In most cases, love bombing is used to manipulate the other person in order to gain total control, and that’s a major red flag because it indicates codependency.
If you notice that your date is a bit unusual and starts acting a little bit over the edge, ask them if they were always so lovey-dovey and super adorable. In the end, it’s up to you to decide what you want and what your needs are. For some people, this approach is what they actually want and like.
While I was browsing on Amazon for a light reading book for my Kindle, I found this one who made my day entirely! It’s a nice one, filled with amazing tips about how to succeed on first dates, no matter how you’ve met the person. If you’re looking for a book that’s easy to read but that’s also full of priceless advice, try 121 First Dates by Wendy Newman.
6. Family background
Another topic you shouldn’t discuss on the first date is your family background. Maybe your family isn’t perfect, or maybe you’ve had a bad relationship with them in the past. Statistics show that a majority of 60% are usually ashamed of their family, and they don’t even talk about this with their date. Whatever the reason, this is simply too much to share on a first date. It can come off more like a therapy session in the end.
7. Intimate talk
This is something that you can easily discuss if you’ve reached that level of confidence and if your intentions are the same: to get intimate as soon as possible. There is no shame in that! But if your intentions are serious and you are looking for a long-term relationship, then you should moderate how much you talk about this.
If all you think about is intimacy and whether there is a simple way to get under the sheets, your ability to truly get to know the person across from you may fade. Also, personal preferences differ greatly across individuals, and you can be opening Pandora’s box by talking about these things on the first date.
Furthermore, you might also harm a potential good relationship that’s just beginning. Don’t cross any boundaries you’re not allowed to!
8. Comments about their age
Age is one topic I advise against discussing on the first date unless you both agree with it. If you don’t already know how old your date is, you should let them tell you without asking.
Some people are ashamed of their age because they consider themselves old, and mostly because of that, you should let them say it when they’re comfortable. And when they do, make sure your response is polite. Even if your intention was not to harm the person, the way you said it might feel judgmental and offensive.
Money is undoubtedly one of the most terrifying topics to discuss. Some people are ashamed of how little they earn, while others don’t want to share any personal details about their workplace, which is understandable. Talking about money on a first date can come across as either boastful or anxious. Just avoid this subject as much as possible!
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