The complexities of relationships can feel like deciphering a cryptic code. What might have led you here could be a desire to stay informed, curiosity, or even a nagging sense that something isn’t quite right between you and your spouse. We’re going to explore some signs you should watch out for.

You may think that physical intimacy must be the culmination of infidelity. Occasionally, it’s not only about physical infidelity, while emotional connections outside the relationship can be quite painful. An emotional affair is seen by many as equally harmful as getting physical. It involves a betrayal of trust and commitment, along with adultery.

What unfolds when your spouse or committed partner develops an emotional attachment to someone outside of their marriage, but without being physically involved? The separation between an emotional affair and a platonic relationship resides in the amount of emotion invested in someone outside the marriage that interferes with the intimacy between spouses.

Some people will put up with infidelity for a variety of reasons, but only one is going to be sufficient to ruin a marriage, if not taken care of wisely. Let’s explore the clues and the sphere of reasoning, examine them, and attempt to avoid or reconcile them.

The gut feeling

Even if you don’t have concrete evidence or facts about the possibility of your partner’s affair, an important indicator of underlying dynamics or changes in your relationship is your intuition.

You may have a feeling that something just doesn’t feel right. Our brain has the ability to detect subtle cues even when we’re not consciously aware of them.

Your intuition is the best indicator and often arises from these subconscious observations in their body language, communication, and gestures that seem out of the ordinary, especially when you’re in touch with who you are and don’t consider yourself a jealous person.

You should feel when the intimate connection is not the same, when your spouse doesn’t have the closure you were used to anymore, and you can actually sense the love separating from them or their focus on something or someone else.

The unpleasant aura of mystery

If you and your partner had a habit of spilling everything, you probably feel very easily when something is off. They may tend not to be the same chatty individual, they could also have a tendency of guarding their phone or computer, spending a lot of time in front of their screens, and engaging in constant conversations.

In this new context, loss of trust, suspicion, and secrecy take place. There were situations when the marriage was destroyed by an emotional connection through an online interaction.

While navigating the waters of uncertainty, only time and patience may bring the partners back to each other. The light of understanding allows the unpleasant aura of mystery to dissipate and beneath the surface of their discontent, a flicker of hope can appear.

Relationship shift: emotional distance between you and your partner

Your spouse is too exhausted, too preoccupied, and frequently absent. They could come across as distant, aloof, or uninterested. You feel like you’re running on eggshells around each other, and you can feel the emotional and physical distance.

You may even experience the absence of shared spaces, such as sleeping in separate beds. An affair consumes a lot of time and energy, and you can be affected by the lack of affection in your life.

In the case of confronting them, you may sense that their explanations may not quite add up and that their response and what you’re feeling are not correlated. Following the signs and communicating them can lead to further exploration with a positive impact on the relationship.

‘The working card’ as a cover for infidelity

They use their work as an excuse. They spend more time than usual at work or doing activities related to their work. They may work extra hours and get into new projects, they may mention the name of a co-worker or get into new groups that you don’t know about; and they don’t really have the intention of introducing you more to the topic.

Suspicious behavior is easy to notice, especially when you are faithful and your feelings toward your relationship haven’t changed.

There is also a decreased interest in each other lives, hobbies, or activities. The lack of involvement indicates an emotional disconnection, that can lead to growing apart, spending less time together, and feeling like strangers living under the same roof.

The out-of-the-blue interest in their looks

Another sign is their new passion for the way they look. When you know that for years they were not this type of person and the closest thing to taking care of their appearance was a 5-minute-shower, you can notice they are involved in some other activities with some other type of interest and possibly other people.

Taking care of themselves, such as going to the gym, and eating healthy, can be seen as a good sign, especially if they try to get you involved, as long as it counts for their health and well-being.

Constructive feedback vs. being rude

How can you tell the difference between them being rude to you or actually criticizing you constructively? Well, first things first, in their tone or the topics they call you out for. You should see if it’s founded criticism on an important subject that affects you both or something that can be corrected in order for you to be a better version of yourself.

Being in a relationship needs a lot of effort and commitment and couple therapy can serve as a valuable resource for change and growth within an intimate partnership. Once taken, the decision itself represents a courageous move to nurture and fortify your relationship, by showing you both are willing to confront challenges and explore the dynamics of your relationships towards a positive outcome.

By the way… If you’re struggling with communication, this book might help you!

How to Manage Emotional Cheating

If you can notice a shift in their demeanor and a break in their pattern of interaction, approaching these signs with sensitivity and open communication about your concerns is essential.

Speak your truth.

Make sure you communicate what you feel, what you notice, and the signs and hints you observe. Expose the whole situation exactly the way you see it, the way you feel it, and try to get what you can as a reaction from your partner.

Stand up for yourself.

This is the moment when you need to make a decision for yourself. You should be prepared for any outcome. Set your limits and boundaries, create a safe environment between you both, and see the bigger picture, no matter how you feel in the moment.

Try to be objective, put in balance if it’s worth continuing, and see your partner’s reasons, their vision, and their next intentions. Know yourself and know if you are the type of person who can tolerate this behavior, not take it personally, and be able to go further with it.

Make it professional.

The main advice is to look for professional help if you feel like a victim of infidelity. Either together or individually, you should both look for therapy of any kind that resonates with you. Maintaining a relationship requires a great deal of work and dedication.

In some situations, it’s already too late for spouses to seek couple therapy. When one of the partners has decided deep down that their marriage or relationship is over, any attempt to save it is no longer an option.

Certain cases end up with both the marriage and the emotional affair failing. An emotional affair can sometimes be a boost for change. We can certainly say that trying to get involved in one as long as you still remain in your actual relationship is DEFINITELY not the solution.

Something to bear in mind if you want to keep your relationship alive is to always listen to your partner, to be flexible when some things don’t work, to respect your feelings and intuition, and to be aware of the effort you need to put on the table for your marriage.

On a brighter note, let’s find out together the signs of a faithful partner.