Adultery is not something to be taken lightly. If one of the partners is cheating, no matter how hard, they’ll try to hide it, there are things that will give them away. According to relationship experts, cheaters have a common language and behavior when trying to deflect attention from their extramarital affairs.
Read on to find out the most common things unfaithful people always say to their partners.
“You’re being paranoid”
If your partner is seeing another person, one MO might be to make you question yourself. How? By saying things like “” You’re being paranoid” whenever you try to open up a subject about your suspicions, as explained by Sanam Hafeez, PsyD, NYC-based neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind.
“Why are you making such a big deal out of this?”
When they are not putting in all efforts to make you doubt your own sanity, cheaters will always try to convince you that you’re overreacting, says Hafeez. If you hear things such as “Why are you making such a big deal out of this?”, it’s time to pay even more attention to what your significant other does or says.
You will soon realize that they will try to hide or downplay what they’re doing and single you out as the drama queen.
“Why are you always questioning me?”
An adulterer will always accuse you and try to put the blame on you for just about anything, especially for asking too many questions, like you’re interrogating them. According to Jennifer Kelman, LCSW, a therapist and relationship expert working with JustAnswer, they “want to hide their behavior and turn things around by asking aggressive questions and trying to put their partner off-kilter”. It’s a cheater’s way of making their partners feel like they’ve crossed a huge boundary just by asking a few simple questions.
You might also be interested in finding out more about these Relationship Deal-Breakers: 6 Things You Should Never Accept From Someone.
“It’s nothing. We’re just friends.”
If you have doubts regarding your partner’s relationship with someone else, you might be hit with the popular phrase “we’re just friends”. It some cases, yes, it might be nothing but a friendly relationship; however, in most cases, this is a defense mechanism meant to minimize the gravity of the relationship with another person.
“In the context of infidelity, it might be used to downplay the extent of a relationship,” warns Hafeez.
“It was just a work thing.”
It’s not uncommon for a cheater to hide their affairs under the cover of work. Therefore, if you suspect your significant other is playing behind your back with someone from work, you might hear phrases like “I was working late” or “It’s just work related” to explain why they were unusually late or not answering your call. Not to mention you’re being called out as overly dramatic.
“My phone was not working… my battery died…”
Another common things cheaters say when they can’t be reached is to blame technology. “It wasn’t me, it was my phone that prevented me from talking to you”. If this happens a lot more than normal, then this should be a red flag that they might be avoiding your calls because they are in the company of someone else.
That being said, it might be wise to also check out this article: Is Your Spouse Hiding Something from You? Here Are 5 Signs!
“Why can’t you just trust me?”
Trust is crucial among partners. An untrustworthy partner will always point the finger at you for having trust issues, when in fact they’re the ones causing them. Cheaters make the other person feel suspicious for nothing, explains Kelman.
The catchphrase “Why can’t you just trust me?” is as old as time and constantly used by adulterers to deflect attention of their partners and seem wrongly accused. It’s a mind game that they’re very good at.
“I can’t do this anymore.”
When they feel that their shenanigans are about to be discovered, cheaters resort to manipulative lines, implying they want to part ways. As explained by Kelman, instead of accounting for their decision, your unfaithful partner will try to put the blame on you and your distrustful and nagging personality. “They use threatening sentences such as ‘I can’t do this anymore,’ which may create fear in their partner and they may relent,” warns Kelman.
“It didn’t mean anything.”
Sure, it didn’t. But it did happen, so it means something to the partner getting played, right? Cheaters usually use this line to make it seem like what they did was not that big of a deal; the damage and impact cannot be that big because their action lacked emotion and commitment.
According to psychotherapist Holly Behiels, this claim is mostly used by people who had short affairs and want to continue the long-term relationship they have with their official partner.
“It wasn’t me.”
Deny, deny, deny! It might have worked in Shaggy’s video, but in real life, come on, no one expects us to believe the “It wasn’t me” card. Surprisingly, many cheaters, especially serial ones, say this when they think that their partners don’t have the evidence to confront them about their extra-marital affairs.
If you suspect that your significant other is cheating and do confront them about it, make sure you have solid evidence before starting the discussion. Cheaters are very skilled when it comes to turning the tables in their favor, shamelessly denying everything while looking you straight in the eye.
“I need ‘me time.'”
Who doesn’t, right?! It’s important to make time for yourself, to regroup, re-energize and just relax on your own time and terms. But in the case of cheaters, it more about “time with someone else” than “alone time”.
If your partner uses this excuse to stay away from you as long as possible, use it as a red flag that something’s wrong. “When the need to focus on oneself extends to a degree that involves completely ignoring their partner,” it’s pretty clear that you’re being replaced with someone else, warns Behiels.
“Do we really need a shared account?”
Cheaters gonna cheat not only with their bodies but with their finances as well. If you notice that the shared account money is starting to disappear, it might be that your partner is the one responsible for that.
According to Behiels, adulterers usually have secret bank accounts where they deposit money without their partners knowing. “These could also be indicators that a partner is quietly readying themselves for an exit from the relationship,” warns Behiels.