On this episode of DETANGLE
Is it true that you can still find love after losing your spouse?
Nothing is like it used to be anymore. You feel down and think that you will never find the love of your life again. The truth is that it is never too late to find love and start a new relationship. But how can you do that?
The loss of your partner is one of the most difficult and traumatic things that can happen to you. Even if it was caused by an illness or everything happened in a split second, dealing with this incident takes time and a lot of mental resources. More than that, it has the potential to absolutely overwhelm you.
As a result, getting back into the dating scene appears to be something impossible to achieve. Perhaps you believe that there is no one else out there who is suitable for you, or that there is no way for you to heal and start seeing people again.
There is a chance that you will begin to adapt to this new lifestyle. You will get used to the idea of being alone. But maybe one morning you’ll wake up and realize that this is not the life you are willing to live.
Whatever your motivations and ideals, keep in mind that it is never too late to find love again. We know that is hard, especially after all that happened, to gather all of your remaining strength and try to date again, but if that is what feels right for you, maybe you just have to go for it.
Wait for the right time
First of all, you have to think a little bit about it. How do you really feel about the idea of meeting someone new? Or how do you feel about starting to date again? If the answer is “yes” it means that you are probably ready to go outside in the world and find someone new.
But you don’t have to rush. If you feel like you still need some time to recollect, take this time. It is best to be in the right mindset to start dating again. There is no “right” or “wrong” time to be ready. Many folks are ready for this in a couple of months after their partner passes, while others take years.
The most vital thing is that you have this talk with yourself rather than trying to meet someone else’s expectations of when you should be ready.
You have to decide on your own, and whatever conclusion you come to, you have to know that it can change, which is very healthy and natural.
Get into online dating
Nowadays, most of us will meet new people through online dating apps. There are a lot of couples out there who became a thing just because they bumped into each other online.
And what makes this even better is that there are online dating spaces, such as websites and apps, specially designed for people who have lost their spouse or long-term partner.
The main advantage of this open-minded approach is that it doesn’t require so much physical effort from your side and still gives you access to a virtually unlimited pool of people.
All you have to do is take some nice pictures of yourself and be willing to embark on this ride!
Another good thing is that you can be upfront about what you are looking for. This can be excellent for those who want to express the fact that they’ve lost a spouse, that they want to go slowly, or anything else right away.
Use the support of your friends
Probably your friends are the ones that help you the most during hard times like losing a partner. They are always there for you and willing to help.
So, if you feel like you want to find someone new but are also ready to give up on this idea, maybe it would be great to build up a “resistance group.”
You may be wondering what that is. Well, let’s say that you tell your intentions to some of your most trusted friends, and they will try to keep you motivated to achieve your goal. There is also a high chance of them doing this even if you didn’t ask for it.
You can always consider their advice, and if they feel that something is off with someone that you recently started dating, you should probably be more careful. Maybe this new person is not the perfect match for you.
Be willing to embrace change
You’ve probably been together with your loved one who passed for a very long time—years, maybe decades. And because of that, it might be a lot harder for you to get together with someone new.
But let yourself be surprised! The package of love doesn’t matter. Perhaps your new partner is very different from your former one.
They don’t look the same, they don’t smell the same, and they don’t talk the same. It might be hard for you to adjust. Keep an open mind and let love enter your life in whatever form it takes.
It is something normal to compare. People always do that since it is in our nature. In the beginning, you might compare your new partner with the person you’ve lost.
Differences should really be acknowledged because this potential lover is not your lost love but rather a completely unique individual. Don’t be afraid to experiment with various types of love or thrilling adventures.
You can still love both of them
This is a common issue among widowers: you may believe that if you find someone new, you are dishonoring your spouse. You might feel like you are still married, even if they are no longer with us.
Another thing that might bother you is if you should tell your new partner you are a widower or not. We suggest that you do so because being honest is the best thing you can do. It is better for them to know this from the beginning. In this way, you can avoid future problems and inconveniences.
The point is that you can love both people at the same time, your lost one and the one that just entered your life, without feeling guilt or shame. It is perfectly normal to still have feelings for your departed loved one.
Your personal time is very important
You know it! That “me time” everybody is always talking about. Actually, having some time for yourself is very important and can bring a lot of benefits into your life.
Continue to do activities that bring you joy and dedicate as much time as you need to yourself. By doing so, you can improve your relationship with yourself and, as a result, your relationship with others.
There’s no reason to hurry into something that doesn’t seem right. If someone is putting pressure on you to “move things faster” and it seems to be too soon for you, express your concerns respectfully.
This situation can also help you find out if this is the right person for you. If your new partner is not okay with your decision to move things a little bit slower, then maybe they are not the one. The right person would respect your needs and happily give you the space that you wish for.
Keep in mind that a person who truly respects you would never cross your boundaries. Or perhaps if they do it, they will realize what they did was wrong and never do it again.
If you are curious to learn more about how to release the pain of past relationships this book might help you.
You should also check out: 6 Signs They’re a Keeper From The First Date