The idea that your partner might still have feelings for their ex isn’t exactly one that most folks would want to think much about. Though you may not want to admit it, there are some potential signs that your loved one isn’t over their ex. Many of them can be pretty noticeable. And there are other signs that can go unnoticed.

Holding on to previous relationships creates feelings of distrust and can hamper an otherwise promising relationship. So, do you feel like your honey’s heart is still in the hands of a past romantic attachment? There’s no way to know for sure if you don’t talk to your loved one about your concerns.

But how do you know when it’s time to have that talk? Here are 8 signs that your partner might not be over their ex, so it’s time for you to bring it up!

1. You can tell that their mind is somewhere else

If your loved one doesn’t seem to pay attention to you when the two of you are spending time as a couple, this may be a sign that they are thinking about someone else. Of course, not being fully present can mean a lot of things, but if you suspect that your partner may not be over their ex, there’s a chance that you could be right.

According to couples counselors, this usually feels like there’s a distance between the two of you, even though you’re spending time together. This may be because your partner is “always with that ex” mentally, even though they are no longer together physically.

2. Your partner tries to bring up their ex in conversation

We tend to compare our current relationship to the ones we’ve had before, and an occasional reference to an ex is normal and nothing to be concerned about. But if it’s happening quite often, it’s a problem. According to therapists, comparing your partner to your ex will prevent you both from enjoying the new romance.

As experts explain, it’s like you want to talk about your ex, but this can’t be done without a non-threatening reason. So your partner may tell anecdotes. And while the anecdotes look like they are meant to tell you things about great vacations or whatever, they are actually doing this because we all want to talk about those that we love.

3. Not talking about their ex at all

This one is tricky as well. Silence about an old steady can indicate a lack of closure. Sometimes, guilty feelings from harboring a secret torch make one not want to talk about an ex. If you notice your loved one is afraid to bring up this sensitive topic (e.g., a past relationship), it’s time to ask why.

And that goes for when your partner seems to hate their ex too. If talking about their previous romance becomes a sore point for your loved one, they may want to avoid doing that. According to couples counselors, being able to openly discuss this kind of stuff is a healthy thing to do in a relationship. But if your partner seems to always shut down whenever you try to bring up this subject, you may want to look for further signs that they might miss their ex.

4. Your partner still keeps photos of their ex

This one is quite obvious, but if your loved one still keeps photos of their past partner around, they may not be over them. Raffi Bilek, director of the Baltimore Therapy Center, says that this is common. The photos may be on their desk, in their wallet, or somewhere more hidden than that, and most importantly, they refuse to get rid of those photos, and the reason they may give is that “they are still friends.”

Keeping an old photo of an ex around usually sends the message that your partner is still holding on to something there. If that describes your situation, express your feelings in a calm but firm way. You want your partner to understand that you’re not OK with the photo’s presence. But it’s also important to watch your tone. Make sure you don’t sound accusatory, as it can easily turn into a fight.

5. Online Stalking

As the relationship expert and certified counselor David Bennett pointed out, if your loved one constantly spends time on their old partner’s social media, then you should ask yourself if they are completely over them.

It’s one thing to keep in touch on social media. But constantly checking on a past partner’s social media is one sign you may want to take into consideration, especially if your loved one also reacts emotionally to those social media posts.

According to therapists, if you’re over someone, you ignore them. Sure, you may wonder how their life is going, but you won’t go to the point where you look them up on their social media. While this may not mean your significant other wants to date their previous partner again—they may still feel something for them.

6. Your partner’s still close to their ex’s family

If your loved one had a long relationship with their ex, they most likely formed strong bonds with their ex’s family. Sometimes, it may not be a big deal if your significant other keeps in touch with them from time to time, but it can be a red flag if they are doing this to stay updated on their ex’s life.

If this describes your partner, talk to them about how you feel. According to dating and relationship coach Carla Romo, it’s up to you whether you want or not to be romantically involved with someone who may not be emotionally available 100% for you just yet.

7. They get defensive when you express your concerns

If you find yourself addressing your concerns with your loved one about their ex and they get defensive, that’s an issue you shouldn’t overlook. According to licensed family and marriage therapist Ashera DeRosa, defensiveness is usually an attempt to keep any feelings of shame at bay. This should raise the following question: Why is there shame?

We all have previous partners, and talking about relationship history is completely fine, especially at the beginning of a new one. But if your significant other gets defensive or heated, then it’s worth noting.

If you bring up your concerns with your partner, do they defend themselves or their actions? If so, you may want to consider why.

8. They won’t commit to you

If your significant other hasn’t moved on from their ex, you may notice a lack of commitment in your relationship. “They hesitate to commit to future activities or events, so they come up with excuses to justify their behavior,” relationship and dating coach Rosalind Sedacca explains. “If your partner doesn’t use language that makes you feel loved, you start feeling insecure in your relationship,” she adds.

Someone who’s ready to be in a serious, long-term relationship will make that known. You won’t have to wonder whether they still have feelings for their ex because they make an effort to plan a future with you and show you how much they care about you.

If you’re feeling a lack of emotional intimacy, acknowledge it. Ask your loved one directly and trust your instincts about whether your concerns are valid.

Here‘s a book that may help you understand better how a lack of commitment works.

You may also want to read 8 Common Personality Traits All Cheaters Have in Common.