On this episode of DETANGLE
I’ve been through a divorce, and that’s why I learned that sometimes things aren’t fixable. And unfortunately, I couldn’t do anything to stop it. After almost 30 years, we decided to part ways, and it was for the best. I am still sad, but I had to move on, and I wish someone would have told me about these warning signs before it was too late!
Divorce might be one of the most painful things life can give us to handle. Especially if you’ve worked hard to repair your marriage and you’ve both tried to make things work. Of course, in the first instance, nobody thinks about separation, but in some cases, this is going to bring the both of you more happiness afterwards.
Now, if you’re having difficulties with your spouse and believe there are issues between you that can be resolved, try to have an open and honest discussion about your marriage. Discuss and see what each person’s opinions are and what you can do to reach a conclusion about whether it’s worth it or not anymore.
However, in case you don’t see the “light at the end of the tunnel” anymore, check out these subtle signs that can help you decide if you must consider divorce after all.
1. Forgiveness doesn’t seem like an option anymore
While infidelity is a deal breaker for many people and is frequently cited as the main reason for divorce, forgiveness is also an option for others. Make peace and completely forgive your partner if you want to stay married, which both spouses should. The likelihood that your marriage will fail increases if you constantly bring up previous grudges or harbor bitterness.
2. There is a lack of communication
It should come as no surprise that effective communication is essential for any relationship to succeed. Even when it causes tension, husbands and wives must regularly be conscious of one another’s sentiments. Contrary to popular belief, it is not preferable to argue with a partner than to stay away from discussion in order to avoid fighting.
However, a total breakdown in communication shows that neither spouse is willing to put in the effort to comprehend what the other is going through. Given that both parties appear to no longer value the marriage, this could be a sign that you’re seeking a divorce.
3. You find reasons to avoid your partner
Do you find yourself wanting to spend more and more time without your spouse? Or do you feel a bit uncomfortable in their presence? This can be one of the multiple signs that show you that things have changed between you two, and if you don’t have a serious conversation about this issue, it might inevitably lead to divorce.
4. Emotional distance
Believe it or not, emotional distance is one of the first signs of divorce. People frequently stop confiding in each other and revealing their most private thoughts and feelings as their relationships start to drift apart. They suppress their feelings instead, which can result in resentment, bitterness, and wrath.
Sometimes, spouses will make attempts to rekindle their relationship by going on dates or holidays, but these attempts are frequently ineffective. Until you honestly talk about your feelings, this emotional distance can’t be overcome. Be aware that the relationship will likely continue to deteriorate if you are unable to do this, leading to divorce in the end.
Do you think your dreams are shattered and your love life is completely dead, but you don’t have the necessary finances to pay for couple therapy? I recommend this book in particular since it’s approved by various therapists because it provides simple but effective ways on how to find the light at the end of the tunnel!
5. It’s “I” and “me” and never “we”
Marriage requires cooperation, which means working toward a shared objective. But if the “team” mindset disappears, your marriage might already be over. If you start thinking about yourself more than the marriage life that you have together, it’s time to sit down and have a serious conversation about where this is going and what you can do if there is something else to do before thinking about divorce.
It’s true that this can be one of the warning signs your marriage is falling apart, but in some cases, there is hope at the end of the tunnel, and that might be your case too!
6. You are not really happy anymore
They say when you’re in a good relationship, you tend to be lively and happy. But when you argue a lot or when you tend to grow apart from your spouse, this happiness doesn’t seem to be around anymore. Is your partner critical, or even worse, hostile, when you try to bring up the fact that you’re unhappy? Then this is definitely a sign that something is wrong and neither of you is content with their lives in this marriage.
7. Lack of physical intimacy
One of the major indicators that you’re heading towards a breakup or a divorce is the lack of intimacy, which is without a doubt one of the most important things in a relationship or marriage. Besides being a source of comfort and satisfaction for both partners, intimacy helps strengthen the relationship. However, if this starts to diminish, it can be a sign that something isn’t going so well anymore.
Couples that have been together for a long time may grow distant from one another over time for a variety of reasons, such as busy lives, stress, and arguments. If this lack of intimacy is not addressed, tension and resentment may eventually escalate. While this may appear to be a serious problem, it can be resolved with understanding and effort on both sides.
8. You live like roommates
It’s true that most couples tend to distance themselves after a while, and things seem to get out of hand at times. They fight more often, and it feels like the romance is a few steps behind them. Some of them actually decided to sleep in separate rooms to “feel more comfortable,” they said. But is this really the case? Or is this just another excuse to spend time away from the person that grew apart from you?
Various studies prove that people who sleep in separate rooms are already thinking about separate lives, and they don’t seem to be bothered if they don’t have the same activities as before. This is another warning sign that your marriage is falling apart, and it’s time to address the issue with your spouse as soon as possible.
9. Whenever you talk they seem irritated
Relationships are hard. There is no surprise in this, and for it to work, it requires effort from both sides. Arguing is normal as long as it is not done every day. But when things start to irritate you every time you have a fight, or even when they leave up the toilet seat or forget to wash their plate, it is a clear indication that something is wrong between you.
Because this just became personal, and you seem to hate everything the other person does. As awful as it sounds, this is more than just a subtle sign that your marriage is headed for divorce!
If some of these signs raised some questions like, “Do I want to live with this person another forty or fifty years?” or “Can I tolerate more of this behavior?” It may be time to reconsider your marriage and see in which direction it is heading. As we previously mentioned in the first lines of the article, it’s true that a divorce might be one of the most painful things, but staying with someone who makes you unhappy is not a long-term solution.
If, after reading this, you feel like you have a lump in your throat, it may be time to sit down and honestly discuss your thoughts with your partner, go to counseling, or even begin the separation process. However, even if this sounds painful, sometimes divorce might be the best solution for both spouses!