When you think about them in an intimate way
If you are intimately attracted to a married person, and you believe they might feel the same about you, and you still remain friends with that person as if nothing is happening, then you’re likely in an inappropriate friendship with a married man.
Now, the big question is: can you be just friends with someone you are intimately attracted to? We’re not experts, but we’d have to say… maybe not. Staying friends with someone you’re attracted to and who is unavailable is not the smartest thing to do.
Maybe you’re capable of incredible self-restraint. But, despite your best efforts to hide how you feel from the other person, your attraction for them will reveal itself eventually.
Concealing your feelings while staying close to the person will be challenging for you emotionally, and you’ll put yourself through a lot of misery.
And if you’re the one in the committed relationship and you’re attracted to your single or married friend, then maintaining that friendship while pretending that you’re “just friends” is also inappropriate behavior.
You’re playing with fire, and you probably know that this is an inappropriate friendship with a married man. The fact is that frequently fantasizing about someone else in your head creates distance between you and your spouse. And it weakens that relationship. You’ll need to choose one or the other. There’s no way around it.
9 responses
My bff is a married man. I am married too. And we are bff for more than 25 years today. At first, my hubby were a little jealous but as time passes they became friends as so his wife. Actually we can get together in armory. Just as two couples of friends. No more trouble at all. Because when between a couple there is confidence and trust, everything is possible.
Fortunately I’m beyond that stage and not exactly sought after. I can say I had past experiences where what i did was innocent being friends with people. I had no idea the women had other ideas. It’s difficult situation being I was married maybe two years and wanted to no one but my wife.
I found when a woman decides she wants you she does things that just amazes you. You need to be careful with how you approach a friendship and just keep a safe distance meaning when you feel the heat being turned up put out the fire unless you want to go for the ride. Always consider what you have and may be loosing.
Sorry but after 3 marriages I can safely say that married women having a male best friend is not only improper but a great way for a wife to have some one to complain to and rationalize into a convenient affair and for the dude to find himself seduced by a version of reality only presented from one side. Uh uh bullshit!
Please. Stop with this division. I am married and have married women friends, including my publisher. Poor advice based on the idea all men and women are untrustworthy.
We deceive ourselves so much that we think we can get away with it. Somebody pretending to be friends with a married person usually wants more and they would want to get it.
They would rather they would have been the one in their wive’s or husband’s position. Deceit
Thank you!
I have a friend I would like to see from my past of over 40 years. Thanks for the straight forward advice…
Nothing has changed since the caveman could provide for the cavewoman. Women will manipulate what is best for themselves.
I loved this topic, although I recently am in a committed relationship now. I was friends with a married man, which I found out later he was married, things got wonky and he started to get too friendly and was making intimate remarks, as much as I wanted to get more involved, I started to think about his wife and started to feel convicted. The final conviction was when he sent me a Christmas gift. Totally inappropriate (sexy lingerie from Victoria Secret) I immediately felt for his wife, to me this lingerie should’ve been sent to her, I sent it back and unfriended him. It’s a blessing for me because I felt relieved about this situation.
Men and women cannot be “just” friends. Sooner or later one will cross the line.