Today in Detangle
Love—an intense feeling that people have been trying to define since forever. But what about love after marriage? Is it still intense? I was talking with my friends the other day about how love changed over time in our marriages, so the discussion inspired me to write this article.
Does love change after marriage?
Many people mention or complain about how their love life has changed over the course of their marriage. One reason why this happens is that partners no longer woo each other once they get married.
The effort of going out and impressing your significant other doesn’t exist anymore because you feel like you don’t need to try to win them over anymore. “My partner already chose me, so what’s the point in doing that?” one would say.
This can be seen as a change of feelings. Yet, what changes after marriage is how spouses express their love. In the beginning, when one is wooing their loved one, they are willing to move heaven and earth to win their partner’s heart. They try to express their feelings with grand gestures.
However, after marriage, people tend to change their expression of love. They would rather do little things like fold the laundry, do the dishes, or cook for their spouse when they are too tired from work.
Some married couples may argue that love fades away throughout the years. However, we think that love and its expression evolve rather than disappear. Here are 7 ways love changes over time in marriage!
1. The Honeymoon Phase Ends
The “honeymoon phase” it’s a thing, and it’s distinct from the holiday spent by a newly married couple. According to relationship therapists, the honeymoon phase is an early part of a romantic relationship where everything seems happy and carefree. It usually lasts between six months and even two years and can be full of lots of laughs, fun dates, and intimacy.
The point is that the honeymoon phase ends at some point. The excitement and thrill of the wedding wear off, and the monotony of everyday life sets in. You two wake up, go to work, manage everyday activities, and go to sleep. The excitement and thrill of seeing each other start to fade as you spend more and more time with each other. This may be a good thing, but sometimes it can get boring and monotonous.
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2. Love Seems More Secure
The adrenaline rush may give way to a comfortable, fuzzy, and warm feeling after you marry the one you love. Marriage is a huge commitment and provides a certain sense of security. It obviously isn’t a guarantee that the relationship will be long-lasting, but it’s more difficult to end a marriage than it is to end a relationship.
In other words, love after marriage brings with it a certain promise and surety of long-term companionship. If the relationship is strong enough, it can lead to happiness and contentment. That’s basically one of those things that differentiates a relationship from a marriage.
3. The Involvement of Families
Once you get married, your spouse’s family will inevitably become part of your life, and vice versa. Matters never really stay between the two of you, which may be a source of disagreements in married couples.
Even in relationships where couples live completely independent lives and can make their own choices and decisions, families—hers and his—will have a say.
In happy post-marriage couples, cooperation by families plays a vital role. Yet if the families tend to be meddlesome by trying to influence either of the spouses and laying down regulations and rules, then conflicts are inevitable.
In the dating and living-in phases, couples are frequently left to their own devices. Nevertheless, after marriage, things change.
4. You Tend To Become a Bit Careless
The 20th date isn’t like the first date. At the beginning of the relationship, the partners are on their best behavior. They make great efforts to look attractive, be charming, and hide their flaws. However, post-marriage, things change.
The more you get used to your significant other, the facades drop. You start becoming more comfortable being yourself in your partner’s company. Kissing them without brushing your teeth, eating cookie crumbs off your shirt—the whole enchilada.
Once some time has passed and one is no longer worried about losing their partner, one gradually settles into a more normal routine where they behave more like themselves. It must have happened to you as well. Since you don’t need to impress your better half anymore, you revert to your natural self.
This level of comfort is wonderful; however, the less effort you put in, the sooner the attraction fades. So even though it’s great that you feel easy around your partner and can be your best self, there’s a fine line before it quickly turns into dullness.
5. The Purpose of Money Is Different
Like it or not, money matters have a great impact on how well a relationship works. Love before marriage means you and your partner splurge on each other with presents, trips, and whatnot. Once you tie the knot, these very things may seem frivolous as you try to create a life together.
Remember when he would send you a flower every day to your desk at work? Well, that may stop happening once you’re married. Or remember the time she got you that watch that cost almost half her monthly paycheck? Well, maybe this year you’ll get a home-cooked brisket, and that’s it.
The truth is that priorities change, and that’s when the differences between love before marriage and post-marriage love start showing. Securing yourself for a good future, buying a home, and building assets become important while you try to cut expenses and reduce the temptation to spend money on each other.
Now it’s more about stability. However, if not handled well, money issues can destroy a relationship.
6. Physical Attraction Fades
Ops! This is maybe the most difficult thing about how things change after marriage. Buckle up, because you may not want to read about this one.
According to relationship therapists, there are many factors that can impact the passion in a couple’s life. The most important are boredom, stress, the daily routine of married life, and so on. The lack of interest in spending some time with your partner in bed is seen equally in both men and women, so let’s not point fingers too quickly.
It may be hard to maintain some passion for a long time, which is why it’s important to keep the spark alive regardless of the time you spend with each other. At the beginning of the relationship, the passion, the excitement, and the thrill were something else.
But chances are that now both of you are too tired after a long day at work and other household duties. This often leads to a lack of intimacy that can really affect a marriage if not addressed.
7. Increased Responsibilities Impact Love
If you don’t want love to dwindle post-marriage, learn to embrace the responsibilities that come with it. There are obviously certain pressures before marriage too, but decisions are usually unilateral, and you don’t feel responsible for your partner’s plans and life.
So if you’re thinking about what else is different in life before and after marriage, here’s your answer: You have to align your goals with those of your spouse. After marriage, many plans become common; therefore, they need to follow the same trajectory.
Desires and ambitions need to be aligned, and partners may be required to pay more attention to things they rarely thought of before marriage, like sharing bills, raising a family, and so much more.
Whatever you choose to do, you’ll have to do it together. You can’t just get a job 400 miles away from home because you want to. You both need to discuss each other’s plans and arrive at a decision.
You may want to read 5 Ways to Fix and Save a Broken Marriage.