Cheating is a sensitive subject and figuring out if or how to forgive someone who cheated is not easy. This dilemma has been around as long as the idea of monogamy and marriage itself. While most people understand cheating as sleeping with someone else, honestly, the lines aren’t always that clear.
Some can feel like getting emotionally close to someone is cheating, while others don’t see it this way. However, no matter how you see it, cheating is the deal breaker, destroying the trust and the unspoken and decent rule of exclusivity in a relationship, making it really painful for the person who gets to be cheated on.
You may wonder, why people cheat in the first place, along with multiple other questions such as: “Is it the end of the road? or, “Can you forgive a person who cheated on you?”, “How can you begin the forgiving process?” and probably a lot more.
Let’s try to clarify it as best as we can.
Why do people cheat?
There is a study saying that 23% of men and 1915 of women have cheated in heterosexual relationships. This would translate into 1 in 4 or 5 people. What could it be behind the numbers?
Apparently, there are some reasons, such as unmet needs. This comes from mental, emotional, and sexual differences when it comes to what a partner wants and needs. They vary for every individual and for every relationship. Sometimes, for example, one partner is more focused on work or there are some cases when the partners are growing distant after having a baby.
You may feel like you’re giving your all, but your partner still feels disconnected and lonely, so it’s not always your fault. But with faded attention, desires, and less quality time together, people may tend for that connection somewhere else.
It’s very common to hear that someone feels lonely in a relationship. There could be a thousand reasons for it, and when they feel anxious or scared to talk about this, they may find it easier to find comfort with someone else rather than face an issue.
Another fact, and more obvious than you may think is a feeling of boredom and the excitement to try something new. It’s very easy to connect and meet new people these days, with so many social apps, and the thrill of doing something forbidden can be a powerful draw.
When it comes to intimacy in a couple, the drive for it can be different and it can change over time, and without open communication, the other way is to ignore the situation at home and look for fulfillment elsewhere.
Should you forgive a cheating partner?
Dealing with infidelity is more common than you may think. Many people find themselves dealing with these situations, questioning where things went wrong, as they take online quizzes trying to figure out if they should forgive them. Well, before you decide, here are a few things to consider.
You should check in with your feelings. It’s easy to push down the real emotions because you think you should feel a certain way, but be aware of what is really going on inside. What do you feel? Anger, betrayal, anxiety, or sadness? Whatever you feel, give yourself space to feel those things, and even if it takes time, let yourself process what happened as this can help you figure out what to do next.
Reflect on what you need in a partner once you give yourself some time to process your feelings. Cheating is awful and it can turn your world upside down, making you question everything about yourself and your relationship. However, remember that you have your own needs, so it’s important to know what are your boundaries. Think about what you can forgive and what leads to the end for you. Being clear about what you need will help you move forward.
The impact on your family is also important if you have children or live with an extended family. You probably already take into consideration their well-being. In some situations, people choose to remain in a marriage for their children’s stability, which is understandable. It’s important to notice that forgiveness shouldn’t be just a matter of convenience, so you should think about what’s truly the best thing for you, mentally and emotionally. Staying or leaving will for sure impact your loved ones, in both cases, so don’t forget to prioritize your happiness and well-being, so you can be able to be there for them at your best.
How to forgive a cheater?
This is not an easy road, and getting back to where you were will take a lot of work. Anyone who’s been in this situation can confess that rebuilding trust is a huge challenge. Cheating alters the way you see your partner and it will take a lot of patience, time, and commitment to heal, coming from both partners.
These are some things you can do to mend a broken relationship:
1. Understand where your partner stands
You should understand where your partner stands and try to see where he’s coming from after cheating. How is he acting? Is he looking for forgiveness or he is indifferent, or blaming you? If he’s not making any amends this is also an attitude to take into consideration and this might actually be the time to accept and move on.
However, if your partner seems ready to work on things, and this is what you want as well, make sure you’re both equally committed because it takes two for this attempt to rebuild the foundation of your relationship.
2. Take a break before deciding
With your emotions all over the place, it can be difficult to make a decision. Give yourself some time and space, away from the situation and from your partner, to be able to clear your mind. You can consider moving out for a while or taking a few days or weeks for yourself. In this time, focus on your mental health and find out what you really want.
3. Talk it out as much as you need until you find your answer
Any healthy relationship is based on communication, so be open about what led to the affair. Needs are going unmet? Is there not enough attention? See what you both need to heal and you both answer the same questions honestly until you understand each other’s perspectives.
4. Consider taking a therapist
If you are both trying, but still struggling, try to see a couple therapist. It might be hard to get through things on your own, and the process can be altered by a lot of factors, such as communication issues. A therapist can be the guidance that you need in the healing process, but if you are not ready for that step, there are online resources that can help you with information about managing relationships and breakups, like we are. So take your time and get informed until you think you have enough of what you need to know.
5. Work on your relationship with yourself
You might be surprised, but moving forward is not only about the relationship with your partner but about the relationship with yourself. Infidelity is a big self-esteem knock. Once you start questioning your self-worth, you need to heal yourself first. Focus on your mental health and work with your negative emotions. Building a strong relationship with yourself will help you regain your self-confidence, and once you rebuild trust in yourself, it can even be easier to rebuild trust in your partner.
6. Prioritize open communication
Be open about your expectations and be open to listening to what your partner expects as well. This one is the definition of easier said than done. It’s very important to not avoid tough conversations because they will cause problems down the road. This is why it’s good to see a therapist and have a moment especially scheduled for these discussions.
This is a book that you might find interesting, and you can find it on Amazon, in Kindle edition: Relationship After Cheating: A Guide to Recovery from Infidelity, Rebuilding Trust and Moving Forward (Love and Relationship)
We hope you found our article helpful.
You can read this one next: 7 Main Types of Affairs and Their Impact on Relationships
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