Are they over their ex?
This is a question all of us ask when we are entering a new relationship. Well, to be true, sometimes people ask themselves this even after being married for years. What we try to say is that this is a pretty common curiosity people have and for good reason.
All of us want to know if our partners are completely dedicated to the relationship they have right now with us, and the answer to this question can tell us a lot about this.
Love can make even the best of us do some involuntary things that we might regret, and all of this happens because love can sometimes be just like an addiction. Your partner might be right now longing for their ex, but you can easily see if this is the case.
There are signs that show up when someone is not over their ex, and we want to clarify these today. If you notice these signs in your partner, you should take it a step further and try to talk with them about what’s happening!
They cling to objects related to their ex
When someone is not still over their ex, you can smell them from a mile away. For example, if they cling to various objects related to the past relationship, it is easy to understand what’s happening.
Now you should understand that the past is not the enemy. People always keep photo albums or maybe digital photos of the ones they have loved, and there is nothing wrong with that. But when these old memories tend to take up time in their present life, this is where the problems start.
If you see that your partner or spouse frequently wears jewelry or clothing gifted by their ex and they are glad to show them off in public and also tell the story of that item, well, things are not alright. This can indicate lingering attachment, and you might want to discuss that with them.
When you decide to move forward in a new relationship, you generally leave the past behind. When this is not happening, this is a clear sign they are not still over their ex.
They are still regularly talking with the former lover
We want to start by telling you that if someone says “Happy birthday!” and “Merry Christmas!” once a year, it doesn’t count as “regular contact.” Even if they break up, those who are on good terms will still talk to one another on special occasions, and this is okay. If you start to worry about this, you should try to take it easier because things are not that bad.
If you see that your partner is constantly texting, calling, or even meeting in person with their ex, well, this is when you should start worrying because this is not just a platonic relationship. “We’re just friends” is not a good excuse now because it is easy to see that they are not over their ex.
It is true that strong attachments from the past don’t just simply vanish, but in order for someone to be ready for a new relationship, they have work to do. They should accept the past, integrate it as a part of their life, and then move on.
If you notice that your partner is still attached to their ex-lover, you have to address this behavior openly. Don’t jump to conclusions before discussing it with them.
They hate talking about their ex
Yes, when someone refuses to hear anything about their past relationship, this is a sign that they are not yet over their ex. Feeling a bit uneasy when someone mentions your ex is okay, but if they completely lose their mind over it, well, this is when things get messy.
Anger, sadness, and fear are intense emotions, and when your loved one expresses them when they hear about their lover, this can be a red flag that shows you that they are not quite over their ex.
You might observe that their reactions are more than just a slight discomfort. Seeing them visibly upset, defensive, or overly emotional when their ex is mentioned is a sign that you two need to talk about this.
This kind of reaction is worth paying attention to, and you should try to openly communicate with them. Ask them gently what is wrong and see if you are able to handle the conversion from there.
They say negative things about their ex-lover
Mentioning an ex occasionally, even more so when the topic of the discussion is past relationships, is no problem, but when your partner constantly talks about their ex in a highly negative way, you can be almost sure that this is a big red flag.
When they are constantly angry and upset about their former lover, it’s clear that they are not over the past relationship, at least on an emotional level. Holding onto these negative feelings means they are still emotionally connected, and in the end, this can show you that they are not ready for the relationship you are having.
Interestingly enough, when they are always bringing up their ex into the conversation, they are invisibly creating a wall that keeps them separated from you. This leads to an avoidant type of behavior and difficulties when it comes to opening themselves up to you.
Also, badmouthing an ex can indicate that your partner is not able to own up to their mistakes. Responsibility and accountability are big things in a healthy relationship, and when they are not very good at it, you can expect the relationship to not be a lengthy one.
They stalk their ex online
One of the clearest signs someone isn’t over their ex is how they behave on social media. Today, almost all of us have social media profiles where we like to share the things that matter to us.
If your partner keeps coming back to old photos of their ex and they spend hours scrolling through them, you can be more than sure that you have to deal with a case of unresolved attachment issues.
Keep in mind that any kind of social media interaction, even the ones that are passive, activates the brain’s reward system. When your lover gets these dopamine hits from things related to their ex, this tells you that they are still attached.
A partner who has truly moved on might look at their ex’s profile sparsely, but they don’t linger on this type of behavior.
The question “Are they over their ex?” is more than just a simple curiosity and should be addressed in any relationship. Attachments to past love stories are not healthy and don’t let you grow into your new relationship.
Love thrives when both partners are emotionally present. If they are still attached to their ex, this means they are not still able to connect to the present. You deserve a healthy and loving relationship.
If you need to learn more about this, you can try this book: Stop Being Toxic: Break Free from Behaviors That Hurt the People You Love
You should also read: 6 Reasons Why You Are Not Attracted to Your Partner Anymore
[…] Related article: 5 Signs Someone Still Isn’t Over Their Ex. […]
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