These are the marriage myths that keep couples stuck and unhappy! Are you one of those believing them? 

I don’t know how old you are, but if you’re mid-40s or something, then you probably heard a lot from your parents that marriage is sacred; no matter how hard it is, divorce is rarely the solution to the problem, and if you have kids, they need both their parents together. Well, these are just some myths that keep couples stuck and unhappy.

Having to deal with a bad marriage every day can indeed make it hard to recognize the pattern and even harder to break the chain. I am not here to blame you, not at all; in fact, quite the opposite.

I was married too, afraid to do something because of our children, but somehow we wanted to make things better for them. It was a big mistake since there were so many resentments there that not even couple therapy could have fixed them.

If you’re experiencing this too, let me tell you something: Take a moment to reflect on your marriage and determine whether you have fallen for any of these myths. Then, talk with your spouse and see what you can do. Both of you deserve to be happy, and it would be unfortunate to continue in a marriage that no longer provides that.

A healthy marriage is always conflict-free

Among the myths that keep couples stuck and unhappy is the “never fighting rule.” There are many people out there who think that those who don’t fight don’t have issues in their relationship. “We never fight; how can we possibly be getting a divorce? What was wrong?”

In actuality, avoiding conflict is neither a sign of a healthy relationship nor the key to getting one. Several couple therapists emphasize that it’s important for partners to express their opinions and truly feel heard in a marriage, whether those thoughts are positive or negative. While it can be challenging at times, this openness is a vital part of nurturing a successful and healthy relationship.

Avoid letting your feelings boil and then burst out in frustration because you don’t want to fight with your spouse. Better try to talk about things that bother you in the early stages of the relationship. This way you will also know if you’re compatible or not.

Great intimacy doesn’t mean you have a great marriage

Yes, intimacy is very important for a relationship/marriage to thrive, but it’s not the most important thing. Many people are trapped in this myth that “having good physicality means that their marriage is bliss.

In reality, the urge for intercourse may also lessen as a relationship settles and the initial spikes in neurochemicals diminish. This is not a bad thing; it’s just the way our body’s chemical reactions work. If the relationship is strong enough and you also have good chemistry regarding other things, then it’s wonderful, but if you don’t…

Strong feelings do not go away when you are in a toxic marriage. Over time, they become adversely heightened. And strong emotions are a common problem for couples in toxic marriages, which often leads to an increased desire for physical connection.

It may sound strange, but couples who live in conflict are therefore more likely to have intercourse than those in more peaceful marriages. For example, breakup s*x is a great example for you to understand this situation better. As previously mentioned, strong emotions are typically linked to the desire to end a relationship; that’s why both partners desire a physical connection despite the whole separation thing. Breakup and makeup s*x are the most common forms of physical intimacy in toxic marriages.

Happy couples do everything together

…Yes and no. There goes a saying, Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and it applies here as well. While two people who enjoy each other’s company love doing things together because that makes them happy, it’s not mandatory to become twins. For you to truly enjoy your time together, it’s key to also find happiness within ourselves and embrace a little time apart now and then.

A lot of people make this mistake of forgetting about themselves while in a long-term relationship/marriage, ending up frustrated that all they do is spend time with their partners. Spending some time apart doing your things and then getting back together as a couple to discuss it is a good idea; that may also bond you even more.

Having children helps couples in struggling marriages

Kids are a joy for those who want them, but thinking that having a child with the spouse you argue with every day will strengthen the connection between the two of you is another myth about marriage.

Think about it this way: that child will be growing up in a household in which their parents hate each other, and it’s nothing more painful to realize that your parents are staying together for you only even if they can’t stand each other anymore.

Instead of rushing to do that and perhaps also ruining your kid’s vision of what a healthy and happy marriage looks like, better sit and talk like a mature couple and say outright what bothers you and see if you can get to a conclusion.

If the conclusion is breaking up, maybe it’s for the best. Remember what we said at the beginning of the article: both of you deserve to be happy, even if that means being happy separately.

If your spouse loves you, they will know what you want and need

Not at all true! Sadly, there is no single person on this planet who can read other people’s minds. Tell your spouse about what you like lately, what you would like to receive as a gift or anything that would be useful to them about you.

Don’t be afraid to share your love language with them! Tell them what you like the most about intimacy, for example, or how you envision a perfect day with them. Even though you have been married for a long time and you may believe you know everything about your partner, there is always something new that you probably don’t. And sometimes that’s the beauty of it!

Get to know your spouse better and vice versa, and that will solve some of your marriage issues.

Marrying your soulmate will always keep you in love

Unfortunately, love is not just a feeling; it is something that you work on every single day of your marriage. There will be times in which things will turn out bad, or your spouse will have a bad mood for days, so it will be your turn to love you both a little bit more. Marriage isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, but if you’re both willing to work for it by having hard conversations, you will see positive outcomes.

Saving your marriage and stopping believing everything you’ve heard from older generations, like your grandparents and your parents, needs a bit of work. And while marriage counseling can do wonders, you will also need to work together and individually; not many people can or want to talk to a therapist. Maybe it’s because they’re shy, or maybe money is the biggest issue since these sessions can cost a bit.

But there will always be books that can guide us through life, so there is one, How To Rescue Your Marriage: Proven Advice To Help Overcome Conflicts And Save Your Marriage Forever, written by Alexis G. Roldan, which helped a lot of people over the years. Hundreds of married couples worldwide have been able to save their marriages with the techniques provided in this book, and you can definitely do the same. If you’re interested, you can order it from Amazon at the price of $11.93 for the paperback edition.

Do you recognize these things reflected in your marriage? If so, it’s time to figure out your next steps and consider marriage counseling as well.

Related article: 5 Signs Someone Still Isn’t Over Their Ex.