5. Affairs can feel freeing, while marriage can feel binding

When it comes to marriage, we often let the social expectations of what it should be eclipse what we want it to be. When two people fall in love, there’s nothing else to think about: it’s just the two of them and their feelings for one another.

But once they become engaged and then married, things change. The greater social implications and expectations start to put pressure on both of you—what does it mean to be a good wife, husband, mother, and father?

You slowly start to lose yourself and become a spouse, a parent, or a “we.” The love you once felt stops seeming like such a big deal with everything else now going around it. It may get to the point where having one or many affairs becomes the only way for that person to feel freedom again.

Some affairs last for years because the truth is that no one wants to feel imprisoned or bound, no matter how much they love the person they are married to.

If you’re the one who got cheated and you feel like you and your spouse can still save your marriage, talking openly about the affair and getting help from a couple counselor can help you rebuild trust and heal. This audiobook, which is called The Courage to Stay, can also help you go through the healing process.