You Remind Them Of Their Late Spouse
For a relationship with a widower to be able to grow and thrive, one has to love the new person for who they are, not who they want them to be.
When widowers begin dating again, their frame of reference for what makes a compatible partner is based on the personality, looks, and interests of the late spouse. They think finding someone who looks and acts similarly will heal what hurts them.
Now don’t get us wrong. If you have similar looks or personality traits to the late spouse isn’t exactly a red flag. But you should be troubled if the person tries to change you and mold your relationship into an imitation of the one they had with their late partner.
Luckily, this is an easy sign to identify. The 4 most common things to be aware of are:
- They constantly compare the two of you: This is done through subtle hints about how well their late partner did things and how much better they were.
- They frequently point out physical characteristics that you and the spouse share.
- They want you to dress in their late partner’s clothes or behave like them in public or in the bedroom.
- They continuously take you to the same places where they and their lost loved one ate or vacationed while declining to try new things with you.
Just a thought on some of your viewpoints – Unless you have experienced the loss of a spouse it is very hard to imagine how one will get on. First off – there is no end to grieving their loss. NEVER. You just learn how to live with their absence. Second – Grief is the price you pay for great love. We did not end this relationship by choice – they were taken from us and it is the worse kind of adjustment one will ever have to make in their lifetime, if they are lucky. I have already experienced 2 losses of ones I loved – first was the one I had a long term relationship with, the 2nd was at the beginning of what we hoped would have been a long term relationship. Both losses still ring in my head, heart and soul as if they could have just happened yesterday. Falling in love with a Widow or Widower is not for the faint of heart, but it could be the greatest connection of a lifetime.
As for not telling family or friends right away – perhaps they are avoiding judgement from them – as in “Isn’t it too soon?” Or the children accusing them of not loving their departed spouse. Whatever the case may be – grant them the grace to mourn and heal as their journey progresses – in their time – not anyone else’s. Thank you for the opportunity to respond
How somthing about dating in your 70’s
It’s terrible out there
Authored by a non-widow, or widower or divorcee then, tauting relationships with non-widow/er, as though those relationships, especially those divorced, are any more predictable…
I’m a 60 year old widower. We got married way too young. He didn’t love me and therefore, abused me. So, not everyone is the same. Not every widower is wondering what might have been. Not every widower is wondering how they will get on without them. I did love him, but have had horrible nightmares about him.
We divorced and got an annulment before he died. Still not sure how he died but I spend the better part of 8 years looking behind my back, wondering if he knew where I worked and if he’d show up to “finish the job” as he promised that horrible night he tried to kill me.
When I found his obituary one day after doing a search of his name on Google to see if it would show me his address, I was shocked.
But curiously, I felt like I was free. Free from worrying about him showing up one day and hurting me again or my family, as he said that he would hurt them too.
The stress was gone. But I still feel sad that he chose to make his life goal to hurt others. I hope everyone finds their soul mate. I have high doubts I will find mine.
Good luck and God bless you all.
Thank you for explaining. I am a widow and would like to find love again when I’m ready.