Their Late Spouse’s Photos Are Still All Over Their Home
When dating a widower, you would obviously expect some evidence of their late partner in their home. A few picture frames, especially with the family, make total sense. But when the person you’re dating has made a shrine in their house, you can’t compete with that.
You don’t want to rush into anything, taking each step in the relationship one at a time. But if you can’t bring furniture or decorations when you move in and the person demands you leave everything as their spouse had it, alarm bells should go off in your head.
We’re not saying you should be demanding. On the other hand, you can’t keep quiet either. Standing up for your needs is vital in any healthy relationship. Be sure to speak with the widower you’re dating and address your concerns and needs.
Don’t move in if they don’t want you to touch any decor that belonged to their deceased spouse. It’s a surefire sign that they’re not ready to let the person go.
Just a thought on some of your viewpoints – Unless you have experienced the loss of a spouse it is very hard to imagine how one will get on. First off – there is no end to grieving their loss. NEVER. You just learn how to live with their absence. Second – Grief is the price you pay for great love. We did not end this relationship by choice – they were taken from us and it is the worse kind of adjustment one will ever have to make in their lifetime, if they are lucky. I have already experienced 2 losses of ones I loved – first was the one I had a long term relationship with, the 2nd was at the beginning of what we hoped would have been a long term relationship. Both losses still ring in my head, heart and soul as if they could have just happened yesterday. Falling in love with a Widow or Widower is not for the faint of heart, but it could be the greatest connection of a lifetime.
As for not telling family or friends right away – perhaps they are avoiding judgement from them – as in “Isn’t it too soon?” Or the children accusing them of not loving their departed spouse. Whatever the case may be – grant them the grace to mourn and heal as their journey progresses – in their time – not anyone else’s. Thank you for the opportunity to respond
How somthing about dating in your 70’s
It’s terrible out there
Authored by a non-widow, or widower or divorcee then, tauting relationships with non-widow/er, as though those relationships, especially those divorced, are any more predictable…
I’m a 60 year old widower. We got married way too young. He didn’t love me and therefore, abused me. So, not everyone is the same. Not every widower is wondering what might have been. Not every widower is wondering how they will get on without them. I did love him, but have had horrible nightmares about him.
We divorced and got an annulment before he died. Still not sure how he died but I spend the better part of 8 years looking behind my back, wondering if he knew where I worked and if he’d show up to “finish the job” as he promised that horrible night he tried to kill me.
When I found his obituary one day after doing a search of his name on Google to see if it would show me his address, I was shocked.
But curiously, I felt like I was free. Free from worrying about him showing up one day and hurting me again or my family, as he said that he would hurt them too.
The stress was gone. But I still feel sad that he chose to make his life goal to hurt others. I hope everyone finds their soul mate. I have high doubts I will find mine.
Good luck and God bless you all.
Thank you for explaining. I am a widow and would like to find love again when I’m ready.