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Is Your Partner a Sociopath? 7 Tells to Look Out For

Do you know to look for these traits that indicate your partner is a sociopath?

A lot of us have grown accustomed to thinking that a sociopath is a type of violent criminal, but the reality is that they are not that different from us! Research has shown that about 4 percent of the population, or about 1 in 25 people, may have certain traits of this personality disorder, and you may be none the wiser about it!

A lot of these personality disorders, such as sociopathy are sometimes confused for narcissism or psychopathy, have similar traits, and sometimes they are so small you may think you are imagining them.

Yet, there may be some signs there that have already made you wonder if you are sharing a bed with a sociopath (or someone who has antisocial personality disorder, known as ASPD), so is your gut instinct true?

The person you may think of may not be diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD), but they may have some of the traits, and you may have seen enough of them to wonder if they are one.

While sociopaths have this disorder that stops them from feeling certain emotions and some of their ideas and behaviors deviate from the cultural and social expectations we have as a society, it does not mean that they are dangerous. However, they may not be a healthy or reliable partner, and you have spotted that!

Keep reading to discover if you have seen these traits in your spouse, partner, or any ex you may have had! 

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You feel like they’re charming, but it’s a facade.

You may have even met your spouse and gotten together with them due to how charismatic and charming they have been!

Yet, you may have seen that over the years, they can easily adjust their emotions and charm anyone and everyone around them.

Generally, this may be a mask. Sociopaths know how to get what they want when they want it, and they generally use how personable they can be to get it.

You may have seen behind this mask; maybe you know they are annoyed with someone or a situation, but when they have to confront someone about it, they are the most charming Joe or Jane on the block.

You may have seen how easily they can feign any emotion, like they are seasoned actors, no matter the situation.

Maybe you have been on the receiving end of their mood swings when they change emotions quickly. If this has become a pattern you expect to see, you may be on to something.

You always catch your partner lying.

A lot of sociopaths resort to lying like there is no tomorrow.

You may have even seen situations where your partner keeps on lying, even small white lies, in situations where it is not something that would necessarily benefit them.

A lot of people with ASPD end up lying even when the truth would not cause them any inconvenience because they see no problem with it.

People who have this disorder often have lying as a symptom, and it is almost a compulsion because they do not feel any guilt associated with it.

Rarely do they feel like lying is a bad thing, so they keep doing it. And you have caught them in a lie, even insignificant ones that you can generally ignore. It may be that they have this trait.

They seem to not have a good understanding of right and wrong.

Have you ever thought that your partner does not seem to have a moral compass?

A lot of people with ASPD end up not knowing the difference between right and wrong, even when the situation seems to be crystal clear to them.

Sure, there are a lot of things that are more gray than black or white, but people who are diagnosed as sociopaths seem to not have a conscience.

These people act and do what they want, not knowing when they are doing the wrong thing because they do not realize it is bad to begin with, while also having a penchant for not feeling any remorse when they are in the wrong.

Sometimes they may do the right thing, but not because they know it is good, but rather because they have learned this is what society expects. Have you seen something like this in your partner?

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You have seen them manipulate and control others!

Concerning our earlier point about how easily they can charm people, that charming personality is just a way through which they manipulate people.

Another trait of ASPD is just how easy it seems to resort to manipulation and controlling behaviors.

Your spouse or partner may have no issue with ensuring you play to their tune and do exactly as they want.

Some of the most common control tactics that sociopaths employ, besides being charming, include fear, guilt tripping, gaslighting, and any other thing they may want, regardless of whether it is right or wrong!

They have a hard time realizing how their actions impact those around them.

We have talked about the traits of what they may be doing that indicate they are sociopaths, but what about what they are not exhibiting?

If your spouse has done any of the things above, you may have seen that they do not realize that what they are doing is wrong.

Sometimes it may be because they do not care about other people, but other times it may be that no matter how many times you try to reason with them and sit them down and explain, they keep repeating patterns and actions that you have told them will bother or hurt you.

Sociopaths more often than not do not genuinely understand that what they do is hurtful because they cannot feel how their actions are causing distress or harm.

They believe to be above others, including you!

Have you ever felt demeaned when around your significant other? Several people diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder end up having a sense of superiority about them and are quite arrogant.

You may not have given it any thought before, but as time went on, you may have seen that they are arrogant toward anyone and everyone, even if they are wrong in their assumptions.

It also happens that these people are dismissive and downright rude to anyone they consider beneath them, and many people report that they truly believe others are not worth any of their attention or time. Is this an excuse you hear frequently when your partner expresses their behavior?

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Likewise, they can never admit fault, yet are vengeful!

If your partner can hold a mean grudge, but they also simultaneously cannot prove that they have done something wrong, it may be a sign of sociopathy.

It happens that this is the first sign someone has; their spouses cannot ever admit fault, blame, or even apologize for what they have done, even when caught red-handed.

You may have even caught them in a lie, and they still never admit it!

Due to this, the second they think they are wronged, they jump to planning retaliation immediately.

If you want to know more about this personality disorder, we recommend this book on the matter that shines a light on this disorder and how we can sometimes confuse it for other ones, while also dispelling the myth that all of them are violent criminals.

Can you be in a relationship with a sociopath?

These are just some of the traits that someone who may have undiagnosed antisocial personality behavior may have. Some may have some of them, some all of them, but the question remains: can you still be in a relationship with them?

The surprising answer is yes!

Your ex-significant other may not have been someone you could have been in a relationship with, but that doesn’t mean that they cannot feel like they are in them.

Love is just going to look different than what people without this disorder may think, but keep in mind that most relationships with them are likely to be purely transactional.

Despite this, if they feel like they value you in their life, you will matter to them, and you may seem to be possessive and fiercely loyal. Some report their spouses with ASPD are loyal and protective to scary levels, ready to defend you physically if they perceive you have been insulted.

Keep in mind that while you may see some traits, this is not something you can diagnose, and you may also never see them. Sociopaths are gifted actors, mimics if you will, and they can easily appear head over heels “in love,”  even if they do not feel that connection.

Sometimes it may not be that your partner has antisocial personality disorder, but they may have the signs of being a narcissist. If you are not sure about it, it’s worth looking into the signs of narcissism some people exhibit and see if you see them in your spouse. You can read more about them here!

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