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5 Ways You Upset Your Partner Without Realizing

DETANGLE’s Insight


Yeah, I know it sounds like it couldn’t be true, but believe me, it can happen more often than some may think. And while it may not really apply to you, it may be true for someone else. Even I had to face the truth when I looked more into it and realized I was doing this, so who knows? Maybe by reading this you will learn more about yourself and others!

Are you accidentally making your partner upset without knowing?

It can happen that you are upsetting your partner without even realizing you are doing it. It is not a sign that you are a horrible partner, but rather that you are not paying attention to your mannerisms and maybe even the way you talk enough to realize that it can upset your spouse. It can also be the case that you have not been paying close attention to your partner enough to realize they are bothered by some things, or even that they are such good actors that they never let you know at the moment that they are actually upset.

Whatever the reason, you should be unhappy knowing that you may be upsetting your significant other, especially if you have been together for a long time, even if you are not doing so consciously. The chance may be that some of these things have been upsetting you when your partner does them, and you could not tell this was the case until now!

It’s time to turn a new page! Read about the unintentional ways people upset their loved ones and learn from them so you can be a better partner to your lover! Or, even better, you can learn how to communicate what bothers you so that you can repair any minor cracks in your relationship that may exist without your knowledge.

We cannot have a perfect relationship, but we can all strive to make ours as functional and loving as we can!

fight, upset
Photo by wavebreakmedia from Shutterstock

No.1: You are ignoring them.

You may not even realize that you are ignoring them, but it can happen to anyone. After all, it is not something that you do consciously. Relationships do not mean that you and your partner should be together constantly, doing the same things, and being basically attached at the hip (if anything, those are grounds for an unhealthy relationship). But it also does not mean that you should put your personal space above time spent with your spouse.

If you end up spending too much time alone or doing things without your partner all the time, this will cause them upset because it will look like you are going out of your way to avoid them. And this may even happen when you are not actually trying to do either of them. If your spouse seems more irritable lately and they keep making comments about how you are doing something again and again and it does not include them, then maybe you should be more careful with your surroundings and actions.

Not only are you upsetting your significant other, you are also giving the impression that you no longer care about them out of pure carelessness.

No.2: Not listening to what they are saying.

Having a happy couple’s life means that everyone needs to participate equally and work together to build good understanding and communication. Yet, it can happen that sometimes we are not in the mood to listen or we are fed up and end up ignoring what the other person is saying. Not listening is a surefire way to upset your spouse and end up causing even more problems due to not remembering something important.

Remember that conversations go both ways and that while listening is important, it is also important to participate in the conversation. If your partner is talking to you about something important, don’t just ignore them because you were doing something else. Listen to them, and if you cannot, let them know that you will continue the conversation when you are done with whatever you are doing.

That way, you are avoiding causing any upset while also showing that you are listening and willing to pay attention to them!

No.3: Not appreciating them.

By this, we mean that you should be giving praise when praise is due, no matter what. Building a sturdy emotional bond is crucial when you are spending the rest of your life with that person. And part of this emotional bond means acknowledging and appreciating what your partner does for you. It does not always have to be vocal, but you should not take your partner for granted and should go above and beyond to ensure they know they are loved and appreciated.

For example, if your partner plans a surprise dinner with your favorite foods after a hard day of work, you should not ignore their efforts and dismiss it because you are tired or not in the mood at the time. Because they worked hard to surprise you, you should thank them and spend time with them; perhaps even return the favor if this is something they would appreciate.

No matter what the case is, you need to make sure your partner knows they are appreciated and loved because otherwise, they will grow more and more upset, which can build distrust between you.

If you are planning a romantic dinner, make sure you have the best presentation! These plates are my personal favorites and they look amazing with any dish!

marriage, upset
Photo by Vladdeep from Envato Elements

No.4: Not taking into consideration their opinions.

Relationships are built on harmony, respect, and communication, which means that getting along and making sure that everyone in the relationship feels validated and listened to are crucial to having a happy couple’s life. This includes not only actively listening to your partner but also doing your best to understand where they are coming from and their points of view. It will not lead to you two having the same opinions, but it will help you better understand each other.

However, you can easily upset your partner when you forget to take their opinions into consideration. They may hold a different opinion than you on a particular subject or view the problem in a different light. It is not the end of the world if you guys disagree, since all people are different. But continuously not taking what they say into consideration and insisting on your opinion when you disagree is going to always upset them. In the long run, the upset can escalate into something more, and you will find yourself with more problems on your hands.

The best way to overcome a roadblock due to different views is to agree to disagree or to come together when you cool off and find a common ground that would benefit you both. However, you always have to be open to seeing the other person’s point of view and communicating!

No.5: Publicly criticizing them.

Not only is criticizing your partner constantly a recipe for disaster when it comes to a relationship if you end up having these types of conversations in public, but you are also definitely not doing something right.

To begin with, it is not a good idea to just play the blame game with your spouse, and even the most well-intentioned critiques, if repeated often, can end up upsetting people, especially the ones that you love. If you are always throwing jabs at their weight or appearance, they will not appreciate it, and over time you will not only upset them but also give off the impression that you are bored with them, along with building up any insecurities they may have.

This is in addition to the fact that if you are doing this in public, it is just grounds for creating not only upset but anger and resentment. A good idea is to not discuss any of these things in the company of others, as you can always talk about them at home.

And while these may not be your case, are you sure you are not just fighting for fighting’s sake? Find out how fighting can be helpful and beneficial to your relationship here!

One Response

  1. I was guilty of this for 20 plus years. Hard surgery and I am different now. More emotional. She’s has been doing to me now for the past 3 years.

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