A Note From The Author:
We’ve noticed that a large percentage of marriages nowadays don’t seem to last. This made us wonder about the general public’s perception of relationships in general and their effect on the way we handle our connections with our significant others. Our findings were shocking, to say the least!
Many ideas people have about marriage are just plain myths!
Most relationships, not just marriages, go through ups and downs. But because of every Rom-Com out there, it’s easy to romanticize matrimony, and there are many myths floating around. Once you find your life partner, you’ll live happily ever after.
You’ll feel at peace and never be alone or disappointed again. So when the reality of long-term commitment kicks in, you might feel like there’s something wrong with you or your relationship because your union hasn’t lived up to your expectations.
Studies show that some of our most common beliefs about the institution of marriage and how to make it work needs to be updated. If your family had strong views about what a good marriage looks like and expressed them regularly, you might’ve internalized them yourself.
The problem with myths is that they can hinder our partnerships when we mistake them for facts. Let’s debunk 7 of them today!
Myth: Your Partner Should Know Your Every Need And Should Always Try To Fulfill Them
After all this time, you and your partner probably know each other very well. There’s almost nothing you don’t know about each other. Yet there’s a common misconception that married couples should know EVERYTHING about each other.
And if they don’t, their marriage is failing. Even worse, society expects you to keep up with your partner’s every thought, emotion, and desire at all times. But as humans, all these things change for us in a flash.
We can barely keep up with our feelings and thoughts, so trying to keep up with someone else’s is practically impossible. If your needs aren’t being met, don’t wait around for your spouse to be a mind reader.
The only way to figure things like this out is through communication. If you or your partner expects a high level of attention and detail, one or the other will be left disappointed and frustrated.
Myth: Having Kids Brings Partners Closer Together
Having kids can deepen a married couple’s understanding of each other and their intimacy. But it also reveals many previously hidden fault lines for partners. Some of them can cause marital earthquakes that no one saw coming.
For instance, partners might disagree on their parenting style. One might think the other is too permissive, while the other swears they’re too restrictive. One partner could become jealous if their child always looks to the other spouse for help.
Since most parents are instinctive to protect their kids, they’ll attack their spouse in many situations. Having children can bring you closer if you embrace the notion that “it takes a village.”
It’s about learning from others and building a supportive and encouraging network for the everyday pressures of being a mom or dad. After all, you need to work together, not against each other, when raising a child.
Myth: Arguing Is Healthy
This one’s a bit tricky because it depends on what you’re arguing about, how you argue, and how often. In distressed marriages, the cause is usually due to a characteristic one spouse may have, like selfishness, sloppiness, and so on.
In stable marriages, partners tend to minimize negative events and look to external causes to rationalize them. Say you asked your partner to pick up the dry cleaning and be home on time for dinner. They arrive two hours late with no dry cleaning in sight.
Your spouse explains that they got so wrapped up in resolving something that they forgot the time. You’re annoyed now. So do you accept the explanation or hit below the belt, reminding them that this is typical behavior and that they never prioritize you?
This game is harmful and predictive of divorce. Furthermore, how you argue is more important than what it’s about. What you fight about changes over time, though there may be some constants like money. As for how you argue, here are the destructive patterns:
- Criticism: Instead of focusing on the problem, you’re blaming your spouse’s personality.
- Contempt: It comes from an intention to wound your spouse’s sense of self.
- Defensiveness: While a defensive reaction is understandable in some cases, it escalates an argument because the defensive person fails to take responsibility, instead making excuses and being defensive.
- Stonewalling: Saying nothing, or worse, staring into space or scrolling on your phone, marginalizes your spouse and their feelings. It’s also alienating, dismissive, and arrogant.
Myth: Both Partners Should Have The Same Opinions And Beliefs
Seemingly, many people think that for a relationship to work, you need to have the exact same beliefs as your spouse. Otherwise, everything falls apart. Well, that myth is completely DEBUNKED!
In all actuality, having a difference of opinion from your significant other is what makes a relationship so exciting and wholesome. That is, just as long as it doesn’t lead to arguments every time you both open your mouths to speak!
It’s perfectly healthy and normal to have different points of view. On the flip side, it isn’t okay if you’re both constantly trying to conform to one another’s opinions. You should always be your own person, know your own mind, and your spouse will respect you much more for it.
Myth: Once Things Go South, There’s No Going Back
The truth is that when the problems in a marriage continue to get worse and go unresolved, it’s easy to start feeling like you’re stuck in the situation. This sensation can leave you feeling hopeless and depressed about making the situation better.
Try not to self-destruct, though. Marriages can be incredibly resilient. If you and your significant other are willing to try, there are many ways to start over.
An excellent place to begin can be a simple agreement between the two of you that you’ll sit together every night for a few minutes, no phones or TV, just you and your spouse. Another smart option would be beginning couples therapy or reading a self-help book on marital therapy.
Myth: Monogamy Means Living Without Passion
According to research, the excitement when you’ve been married a long time isn’t the same intense desire or butterflies in your stomach that takes over when you first meet someone. But it’s a more profound thrill that develops from knowing a person so profoundly and intimately.
When people buy into the myth about passion withering away, they may resign themselves to an unsatisfying intimate life instead of working with their spouse to resolve the real issues they might have.
The secret is to connect with your spouse on an emotional level and to form a secure bond with them. Being emotionally open and able to express love goes hand in hand with physical pleasure.
Marriage isn’t something that will keep itself together. So it’s imperative to actively work on the relationship with your spouse. You shouldn’t take each other for granted and make conscious decisions to be loving with each other.
Myth: Marriage Counseling Should Be The Last Resort
Many couples only go to marriage counseling as a last resort. But the healthiest marriages benefit from counseling because it helps make their bonds stronger and anticipates future issues. Amazon has a great couple’s workbook to help you and your partner work through your issues.
Therapy should be seen as more of a preventative step rather than a cure. Regardless of the status of your current relationship, you and your spouse can benefit significantly from a relationship checkup.
We hope you enjoyed reading this article about marriage myths. Feel free to tell us your thoughts on the matter in the comments below. And we’ve got many more for you to enjoy. We highly recommend you also read: 8 Secrets Men Wished Women Knew About Them