Today in DETANGLE
One thing I’ve learned throughout my marriage is that some things are better left unsaid! And while lying is seen as a big no-no for most couples, keeping a secret from your partner is not really a big deal. If you don’t know what to share and what to hide, read our article. Let’s see!
It is healthy to keep secrets from your partner!
As we are frequently taught, having a healthy relationship requires being able to discuss everything with your partner. However, there are occasions when being completely honest with your spouse can be harmful to your relationship, and it is preferable to keep certain things to yourself. But how are you expected to determine which details are best kept as secrets? Everyone should be aware of these things, which are referred to as healthy boundaries.
Even if you believe you have become very close to someone, there are some things you should never reveal. Curious about them? Continue reading because we compiled a lengthy list with the secrets you should never tell your partner.
1. The number of partners you’ve had
Besides being an uncomfortable topic, this discussion won’t bring benefits to your relationship. In fact, if your partner is a sensitive person, he or she might get upset. In most cases, people won’t ask about your past just because they don’t feel comfortable hearing about stuff that you did.
Unless you have a relationship where you can be totally honest with each other without being afraid of being judged or anything like this, you may talk to your partner about everything that’s related to your ex-relationships. Believe it or not, but for some people, it is better and safer to keep some things away from them. Having one or two secrets in order to protect your loved one won’t hurt anybody.
2. Your opinion about their family
Another thing that you should definitely keep a secret is your opinion of their family. Even if you two get along pretty well, their family might be more important, and some people tend to listen to their family’s advice pretty often. In order to have a good relationship with your partner and maintain harmony between you, keep these negative comments to yourself.
If you are not forced to live under the same roof with them, you better keep your feelings and opinions about their family and close relatives to yourself, unless it’s a situation where they agree with you.
3. Feelings for one of your exes
There is no secret that we all have feelings for our ex-lovers. These feelings might be anger, resentment, or even hatred. And because a lot of people are sensitive, it is better to avoid talking about this issue with your current lover. Some of them might interpret that you don’t care about them, and you would want to get back with your ex as soon as you can.
Unless these feelings have a negative impact on your current relationship, your spouse or partner does not need to be informed of them.
4. Never let them know if you find one of their friends attractive
If you don’t really want to ruin your relationship, this is definitely a secret you should keep to yourself. You may discover that one of their friends has a lot in common with you, and everything can be fun until you consider them attractive. If you know you can control yourself and you won’t ruin their friendship or your relationship, then it’s best to keep this secret.
5. Specific details about your past traumas
Your past traumas are another thing that belongs in the same category as secrets. If you have a therapist that you can talk to about these things, that’s awesome, but if not, don’t overwhelm your partner with this subject. It’s not the end of the world if they are not aware of what happened in your past that traumatized you (unless it’s something very awful that can eventually affect your relationship).
It’s always hard to create and also maintain a healthy relationship with your better half, but it’s not impossible. If you are interested in learning more about this topic, we suggest checking out this book about tips for having a better marriage.
6. Your secret personal behaviors
In the privacy of your own house, you can do whatever you want, especially when you’re alone. And some of these things might be pretty weird to tell others about. In fact, a lot of therapists say that talking about them with your partner won’t bring any benefits to your relationship. Furthermore, they can consider them weird enough to completely change their opinion about you.
It’s okay and healthy to keep some secrets from your lover, because some of them can even kill the romance and mystery in the relationship.
7. Never compliment your ex
If it’s something that you should really keep a secret, it’s the comparison between one of your exes and your current partner. Why? This won’t do any good for your relationship. In fact, it will only cause frustration, and your partner will be disappointed with the entire situation. Maybe one of your exes had more things in common with you, but that doesn’t mean you have to point that out.
Think about the present and try to learn from past mistakes by creating a good relationship with the person you’re now with because, remember, nobody is perfect.
8. Things you don’t like about them
It’s OK not to like every little thing about your partner. We’re all human beings that have imperfections, and somehow that’s what makes us special. But even if this is completely logical, it’s something that you should probably keep secret. Moreover, if your partner is a great person and you feel like they are the one and these are just some small flaws, you can live with them. It isn’t worth a fight that will probably damage their self-confidence.
9. Never confess your past infidelities
This shouldn’t be a secret, because this goes without saying: don’t ever tell your partner that sometime in the past you cheated on one of your ex-lovers. Especially if you expect your current partner to be trustworthy.
If you had an open-minded relationship and this event happened when you were twenty-something, then probably you don’t have to worry about it. But if not (and your partner is jealous), ask yourself if it is better to keep this information secret or if, if you decide to talk about it, the relationship can benefit from this discussion.
10. How you spend your money
Even if your relationship has lasted for a while now, that doesn’t mean you have to spend your money in the same way as your partner. It’s recommended to have a joint bank account but also a separate one that’s accessible only to you. Why should you do this? Perhaps because you have different ways of spending money and occasionally want to buy something that your partner does not like. Or you both want to save money for a future vacation, and you agreed to spend less on unnecessary things.
Many couples have frequent fights over money, so it’s best to keep your personal finances private in order to maintain your relationship on good terms.
It’s difficult to maintain a healthy but also trustworthy relationship with your partner. And there is no secret in admitting that even if we want everything to be perfect, we’re human beings and we’re allowed to make mistakes.
However, when it comes to secrets or things you may not want to share with your partner, you’re the only one who has to decide if it’s worth discussing or not. In some cases, it’s better to keep a veil of mystery between the two, unless your secret damages your connection, because then it’s time to be open and honest with your partner for the sake of the relationship.
If this article about secrets was fun to read, you should give this one a try too!