Today in Detangle
Love is about giving, but what if you give too much of yourself? I was there once, sacrificing so much of myself for a relationship that my husband’s desires and preferences turned into my desires and preferences. The worst thing? I wasn’t aware of the person I was turning into. But that’s part of the past, and I’ve learned from my mistakes. This article talks about 9 things you should never give up for love (I did that for six of them). No matter what, be you!
I may sound like an old-fashioned person, but here I am confessing to you that I’m a hopeless romantic. When I’m in a relationship, I’m fully dedicated to the experience, and I’m willing to make things work whenever challenges arise.
But like anything else in this world, there are some things you shouldn’t tolerate while in a romantic relationship. Loving someone and being committed to them doesn’t mean that you have to sacrifice who you are in the name of love. Sometimes people tend to forget that and then wonder why the romance went south.
Love makes you see the world through rose-colored glasses, and sometimes it’s difficult to make reasonable decisions in the midst of it all. While not everyone’s relationship will last, you shouldn’t consider it regrettable but rather see it as a lesson learned.
While most of us search for love, many aren’t aware of the psychological effect it can have. Some lose sight of who they truly are, while others forget about their dreams because they want their love story to last.
Without further ado, here are 9 things you should NEVER sacrifice for love!
1. Your Independence
The freedom that you can have when you can do as you please shouldn’t be sacrificed when it comes to romantic relationships. While there are definitely certain sacrifices you have to make for your loved one, you shouldn’t do that to the point where you lose control over your own life.
The most common example is the one where one partner makes the other feel guilty for spending time with friends. If that’s your case, you two seriously need to talk about this, as this indicates two issues: your partner feels insecure, and your freedom starts to fade.
Love should be about allowing you to celebrate one another while still encouraging each other to be themselves. If you feel like your relationship is becoming one-sided, you need to speak about your concerns. A relationship shouldn’t feel like a trap where the partners don’t have the freedom to do as they please.
2. Your Happiness
The way you see the world should be positive. Your relationship should lift you higher and bring out the best in you, not make you depressed. Even though it’s perfectly normal to go through emotional stress from time to time and have arguments with your significant other, especially if you’re in a long-term relationship, you should never feel anxious or unhappy when you think about your partner.
I mean, yes, there may be times when you two have trouble in paradise, but a relationship shouldn’t be just sorrow and frustration. It just depends on how well you two communicate with each other to tackle the issues you come across.
Your happiness should be your partner’s top priority. And this obviously works both ways.
3. Your Goals and Dreams
These two things define who you are. Your passions, goals, and dreams are crucial to keeping your happiness alive. Once you start sacrificing those, you could lose sight of what makes you unique and different.
A healthy relationship is one in which your significant other supports your dreams. It should never belittle or destroy your passions. On the other hand, there are people who treat their partner’s dreams as if they were some kind of bad joke, making the other one eventually give up on them.
Just because you and your loved one don’t share the same passions or dreams doesn’t mean that you have to sacrifice yours to mimic theirs. Being opposites is definitely a positive thing, and it should be celebrated rather than feared.
4. Your Self-Respect
Never ever let your partner disrespect you to the point that you lose your confidence and respect for yourself. Someone who is committed to you and loves you should always treat you with respect and decency.
In our quest for love, we can sometimes forget about our self-respecting boundaries that we wouldn’t normally forget about. Whether it involves allowing yourself to be treated disrespectfully or engaging in behaviors that you find demeaning, never sacrifice your right to be treated with respect. By the way, here’s a great book that can help you cultivate your self-respect.
If your partner crosses this line, you should always stand your ground and call them out for making you feel bad. No matter what, this is always unacceptable, and if it’s becoming routine, then it’s time for you to reevaluate the situation.
5. Your Beliefs
What you choose to believe in shapes who you are. It’s common for partners to believe in different things. Whether you both have different views on religion or politics, your loved one should never disrespect the way you choose to see the world.
This doesn’t mean that you cannot talk about each other’s beliefs. But this should be done respectfully. If you see the relationship lasting long-term, these views and beliefs are crucial to determining how compatible you are with the other person.
If you and your partner are constantly arguing about your beliefs, then it may be time to consider going separate ways.
6. Your Friends And Family
Never let go of your friends and family because your partner doesn’t like them or doesn’t share the same interests with them. Unless it’s a toxic friend or family member who does more harm than good, there’s no reason to give up on a relationship because your loved one doesn’t like someone in your life.
Any partner who expects you to stop meeting with a friend for her or him is selfish and likely controlling. While resentment can arise when someone tries to isolate you from your friends and family, this is actually a form of abuse and could be emotionally destructive.
7. Your Privacy
There’s nothing like being so comfortable with someone that you can spend 24/7 with them. Even if it’s just going out to eat or watching movies, you never feel like you have to say something to avoid awkward silence.
Meanwhile, your privacy does need to receive the respect it deserves. Everyone needs to embrace their independence by hanging out with friends or being alone. Don’t take it the wrong way if your loved one wants some time alone. Think of it as an opportunity for them to recharge.
It’s essential to be completely honest and transparent in your relationship, but that doesn’t give your partner the right to have all your passwords, sift through your emails, go through all your text messages, etc. Your privacy should be respected.
8. Your Identity
When we immerse ourselves in a romantic relationship, we tend to take on the characteristics of our partners. There’s nothing wrong with doing that, as “mirroring” helps us create a strong bond and feel more in tune.
The problem arises when we lack a strong sense of self and start adopting too many of our partner’s habits and interests instead of exploring our own. If you are too influenced by your loved one, you may stop making decisions for yourself and veer off the trajectory of true self-discovery.
It’s natural to change while being in a relationship, but it’s also essential to not lose sight of who you truly are. While this correlates with previous points, it’s very important to remember that there was a reason why the other person fell in love with you in the first place. Let someone love you for you.
9. Your Ability To Make Decisions
You have the right to make your own choices and decisions. You shouldn’t feel controlled at every single step you make. Just because your significant other believes their decision is the right one, it’s always best to discuss both points of view before coming to a conclusion, especially when it comes to money matters.
If you and your loved one are able to communicate well about your feelings and logic, then you can be open as to why you believe your decision is the right one. Don’t let them have complete control over your point of view. It’s never a good idea to be entirely dependent on another person.
You may also want to read 4 Ways to Improve Communication in a Relationship.