I get it: you love your partner, and you want to be close to them all the time. Maybe you’re always looking for a kiss, a touch, or a hug, but they don’t seem to enjoy it that much. I’ve been there, and trust me when I tell you that I suffocated my partner. But don’t make the same mistakes I did, because it’s going to take you a while to break those bad habits. If your partner is a little bored with your relationship because you drive them crazy, here are a few ways they’re more likely to act:
Do you get along with your partner?
Do you know anybody who has ever had the “desire to merge?” I’ve always heard this expression, and it’s typically used for couples that are really close. They might seem to be having a wonderful time together, but you shouldn’t be surprised if they end things sooner or later.
It’s understandable to want to be close to your lover all the time, but that doesn’t mean it’s healthy. Everyone has their own life, and being with your partner 24/7 is not going to bring you any closer. This is a quick and painless approach to ending any relationship. If you want to be in a good relationship, you need to give each other room to grow.
Smothering is a unique situation because the effects of it aren’t seen until it’s too late. I never wanted to suffocate the people I’ve been in a relationship with, and I did the next worst thing that someone could do to their lover. I came across as distant, unconcerned, and uninterested in my partner. As you can imagine, it didn’t last for long because I wasn’t such nice company.
So, there are many unfortunate things people do when they have a fear that their partners will grow out of the relationship. Repeated problems in a couple’s life might be a sign that something about you is at fault if you’ve seen them occurring with a number of different people. This is particularly true if you’re worried about being overly possessive.
Is your significant other acting cold and distant? There might be an underlying cause that you can change. A pretty good place to start would be to examine if there are any signs in your relationship that you could be suffocating your partner. You might not see them at first, so pay close attention, because it can be tricky. Here are some red flags to watch out for!
1. You want to talk to them all day every day
Needing to be in constant touch and being anxious when your spouse doesn’t answer sometimes is unhealthy. I understand that when they’re not around or they’re out of town, you want to reach out and check in with them, but if you know where they are and you simply want to talk to them even when they’re busy, that’s not a good sign.
I probably seem harsh for saying this, but your significant other needs some alone time during which they are not obligated to return your call within 5 minutes. They need downtime in order to do daily tasks such as working, eating, sleeping, and yes, socializing. If you don’t let your spouse have a life apart from you, you’re suffocating them.
Anxiety over a person leaving might cause abnormal levels of clinginess. Take a deep breath if this describes you. Hang up the phone. After that, spend an hour working out; get outside; call a friend; visit a museum; cook a meal. Find some ways to have fun all by yourself without counting down the hours until your SO comes home. In order to save your relationship, you must give them room to breathe.
2. They say they need space
And you don’t understand that! Woah! To halt! A warning has been issued. When your SO tells you that they need some space, it’s a warning that your once-healthy relationship is beginning to become toxic, and not simply because you’re suffocating them.
If they say they need some alone time and you keep reaching out, asking them to talk to you, leaving tons of messages and calls, that’s your cue to stop. You need to reevaluate your circumstances if you feel you have to resort to manipulation to achieve your goals. At this point, you are actively hurting your partner, and there’s a good chance that your partner’s actions might have caused you to behave that way.
To protect yourself, stand back and examine the issue rationally. To what extent do you feel your requirements are being met? Is your partner busy and needs some time to focus on their tasks?
Or they’re always away and don’t seem to spend time with you, which then makes you feel weird and tempted to reach out all the time? Do you ever feel like no one else is there with you? If your spouse doesn’t seem to care about you, it could be time to move on.
3. They ignore you
This is definitely not a good sign. The absence of a response is sometimes a hint that the other person is busy at the moment but will get back to you as soon as they can. But if you’re in a new relationship, it might be an indication that your SO is getting ready to ghost you.
When you and your partner have been together for a while, this might become a symptom of feeling suffocated. The idea is to ponder. If you’re feeling trapped, the last thing you want to do is listen to the person who has their arms around you.
No matter where you are in your relationship, this sign indicates that you should wait for your significant other to make a decision. Nothing good can come from trying to catch up to them, so distract yourself as much as possible.
4. You gravitate around them
A lot! We already said that everyone has a life of their own, which means that everyone wants to spend time with different people, including their lovers, friends, and family, and they also want to enjoy their own company from time to time.
Give your partner the chance to miss out and to want to hang out with you, to talk to you about different things, to want to go on a date with you, and so on. If you spend 24/7 together, why are you even talking about all this time? Even if you live together, there’s so much else to do outside of romance.
Expecting your spouse to fulfill every need you have is unfair to them and will likely leave you feeling insane. It doesn’t look good, and if you’re not chipping in, you’re probably suffocating your significant other with your demands.
5. You need to feel in control
There are many people who love to feel in control, whether we think about work, family life, or romantic relationships. However, if you constantly feel the need to exert dominance over your significant other, you should know that this isn’t because of love but rather anxiety. It indicates that you worry your spouse might damage you in some way, whether by breaking up with you or cheating.
That urge manifests itself initially by smothering them and chasing away everyone who could be a threat. In a strange twist, attempts to exert control over them often turn out to be pointless because they’ll find ways to keep their true behavior a secret. You need to back off and let them have some independence.
6. You make them angry
Do you remember the last time you babysat a kid that just wouldn’t stop talking? That’s annoying, isn’t it? Smothering your lover, on the other hand, is not dissimilar. So if too much talking and the need for attention annoy you, imagine that it does the same to your lover.
People who feel like they are being suffocated tend to hate their oppressors and act badly whenever they are close to them. It could be time for a serious chat if they’ve been more agitated whenever they’re in your presence.
Just ask them straight out if you’re suffocating them or if they need some space. Stop trying to contact them for a bit if you have been doing that too much. It might very well be the last resort for keeping the peace in your relationship. It might be hard to suddenly stop reaching out as much, but it will help, and they’ll start missing you.
7. They keep you at a distance
It’s one of the most dangerous symptoms, and it usually comes just before a split. On the other hand, it might be an indicator that you’re becoming too possessive of your relationship.
The most destructive aspect of this signal is that it typically causes us to feel affection-starved and anxious. You have to agree that it’s terrible, especially if you think that you’ve done something wrong.
In spite of how bad it is, you now have your job cut out for you. If you want to save your relationship, telling your partner you will give him space and then following through on that promise is your best bet. Maybe, just maybe, they’ll see the light and come back around.
8. You want to stalk them
One of the most obvious signs that you care too much about your partner is that you can’t stop thinking about them. Do you really need to know everything about his whereabouts, their companions, and their activities?
You’ll probably get upset if they keep asking you for details every time you get together with your girlfriends. Besides that, how do you react when you don’t have all the information? Anxiety? Anger? If you’re doing all of these things, it’s likely because you realize you’re suffocating them.
There’s also a possibility that they’re feeling smothered at this point, too. Don’t do this anymore, and talk to them about how you’ve felt. Maybe there’s a hidden reason that makes you feel insecure, and everything needs to be discussed so that the issue is solved.
If you want to spice up your relationship but don’t want to suffocate your partner, try playing a game to make things fun and exciting. This one is really good because it’s enjoyable and it will assure that both of you have a good time.
…If you need to understand your relationship better, here’s another article that’s useful: Are You in a Loveless Marriage? Here Are 6 Possible Red Flags!