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Your Partner Can Cheat AND Still Love You, Experts Say

On this episode of DETANGLED


Cheating is such a horrible thing to go through…on both sides! Either you’re the one who cheats, and you oftentimes can’t wrap your head around it, or you have been cheated on (like I was), and you never really move on. But if there’s a hard-to-swallow truth out there, it’s that people CAN cheat, even if they love their partner. I know it sounds a bit controversial, and that’s why I took the time to elaborate here.

Have you ever noticed that people who cheat claim they still love the person they cheated on? But can it be true? Love is a very complicated thing as it is, but when there’s also cheating involved, it doesn’t make things any better. As a result, many of those things will eventually boil down to what you truly believe.

If you want to explore the relationship between love and infidelity, we are here to help you understand. You only have to keep in mind that no matter what, your feelings are incredibly valid, you are worthy of every drop of love, and there’s definitely a way out from any dark corner you might be trapped in at the moment.

Photo by Diego Cervo from Shutterstock

How can you love someone and still cheat on them?

Love is complicated, and there aren’t any shortcuts. Love is one of the most complex things in the whole world, so when it comes to infidelity, things are never straightforward. People cheat for many different reasons. For someone who has either cheated or has been cheated on, just reading this paragraph might be excruciating and frustrating. And what’s even worse is that no one can vouch that someone who cheated on their spouse doesn’t love them either.

However, there’s light in the darkness, too, as there’s a high chance to love someone and rebuild a relationship even after infidelity. In fact, many couples loved each other after infidelity in such a way that they’d never thought they can. You could also claim that cheating doesn’t really mean you never loved somebody, even if it might mean that you didn’t respect or honor them. Cheating is so complex and entangled, that sometimes reading about others’ experiences could really help you understand how to wrap your head around it. I know a great book that will offer you great insights on cheating, so I can’t help but recommend it further. I’m talking about Cheating in a Nutshell: What Infidelity Does to The Victim (Asked, Answered and Explained), a book written by Wayne and Tamara Mitchell. I loved every minute of it.

So why do people cheat?

Some people end up cheating because they either feel neglected or forgotten. If you feel like your partner doesn’t really care about you, there are high chances for you to end up looking for the emotional fulfillment you need somewhere else.

Even if your perception might not be that accurate, you might still end up going wherever you might need to in order to receive the love, care, and appreciation you feel you deserve. Of course, it’s worth mentioning that this doesn’t mean by any circumstances that the one who was cheated on deserves this whatsoever. In fact, even if someone acts in a neglectful way, there are many other ways to address it. Nobody, but nobody deserves to be cheated on.

Emotional and mental issues might make stability difficult in a relationship

People who are dealing with various psychological issues related to s*x, love, or any other vicious activity, are more prone to cheating. Why is that? It has been discovered that cheating scratches their addictive behavior. People with different emotional or mental problems are expected to cheat more than those who don’t deal with these types of issues.

For instance, people who are diagnosed with bipolar disorder are way more likely to act on their se*ual urges during times of mania. Attachment anxiety refers to those individuals who develop bigger levels of fear the moment they get closer to someone, and they often come as a result of a traumatic experience. People who suffer from higher levels of attachment anxiety are also more likely to cheat.

cheat love
Photo by Ana Blazic Pavlovic from Shutterstock

If they cheat, does it mean they never loved you?

Cheating doesn’t mean that the love wasn’t real. The general belief is that something has to be very wrong with a relationship for infidelity to set in. However, happy people who are living in fulfilling relationships cheat all the time! Of course, it all depends on your beliefs: if you couldn’t fathom the idea that someone can, in fact, cheat even if he/she loves his/her partner, then you’ll never consider this possibility. But for some people, love never goes away, even if they cheated.

Also, there’s actual proof that it’s highly possible for someone to love more than one individual at the same time. It’s a very difficult truth, but some people are capable of being romantically involved with more than just one person. This is exactly what polyamorous people experience, even if cheating has nothing to do with polyamory and the other way around).

Can you still love your partner after cheating?

As a general rule, nothing is actually over unless you want it to be over. Rebuilding your relationship after an affair is one of the most difficult things in life, but it’s also possible. So don’t rush into any decisions that you’re not 100% sure of. Just think about what your heart really wants, and allow some space between you and your partner to process how you really feel.

If the two of you wish to work things out, then you should consider couple counseling. It will definitely increase the chances for you to heal. The process might differ for everyone. While some couples will find it very easy to come to a mutual agreement, take ownership of their action, and start over stronger than they’ve ever been, other couples might need years to process everything and heal themselves.

Photo by Motortion Films from Shutterstock

Some people will never love their partner again after being cheated on

If you have been cheated on and you’re wondering if there’s something wrong with you, there isn’t. Also, if ever since you found out that you’ve been cheated on your heart is completely empty, that’s not something to blame yourself for. In fact, it’s completely normal to feel this way.

Your reaction is fully understandable, and many people experience this throughout their lives. If you have been cheated on and you simply can’t find it in your heart anymore to pursue this relationship, then it’s time to move on. This can also apply to the person who cheated.

There are some people who find themselves lashing out at their partner and cheating on purpose just to “get back at them” because they were very mad and they felt that their limits were pushed. For cheaters like this, it’s extremely difficult to let go of their anger.

Can a man cheat and still love you?

As stats confirm, men are more prone to cheating than women, but not with much. As it has been found out, 23% of men would cheat, while only 19% of women would, too. Even so, both categories are just as much capable of cheating, as they are of loving.

No matter how you feel about any of these two, the gender of the person who cheated shouldn’t mean so much when it comes to the way you view things. In fact, it all comes down to one thing: who’s really willing to admit they cheated? Because as it turns out, men are a bit more likely to acknowledge the fact that they have cheated.

Do cheaters ever feel guilt?

Most cheaters oftentimes feel guilty about what they’ve done. This particular type of dramatic boundary-crossing comes with many feelings of regret, guilt, shame, and, of course, despair. The wide majority of people regret cheating on their partners, and it might conjure up various guilty feelings, especially if they’ve never held themselves responsible for what happened.

Some cheaters don’t experience any guilt

As mentioned before, some might cheat just because they’re adrenaline junkies. They love the thrill of fooling others and getting away with their actions. Even if only a few people cheat for any of these reasons, they still don’t experience any guilt (even if they might act guilty when they’re caught).

If you found this article to be interesting, then you might also want to try: 10 Polite Ways to Reject Someone You Don’t Like

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